This time, I'm taking a look at a story called Love Like a Tidal Wave, which is co-written by fascination. and hatesfitzzy!
The banner for the story is actually a .gif. I took a screen shot the end of it and posted it above. I really like the floral background of the layout, I think it looks vintage almost, but personally, I think the banner is a little distracting because it doesn't say much about the story and takes away from the wonderful little summary. (Although, the simplicity the black and white .gif with the colors of the floral background is really pretty).
As for the summary, it's one simple sentence and I really like it. It does say a lot about the story. I like the simple, black font and how you have the character's links laid out underneath without saying anything about them. I can tell that you're going for simplicity (which is why the .gif doesn't really fit).
In the first chapter, the very first thing that made me stop and reread was the first line. Drum sticks flowed through my hands like water . . . I'm confused by this because this immediately makes me think of someone reaching for something and their hand goes right through it (such as a ghost or someone with a new superpower), as I keep reading, I realize that the drums are actually being played. I would suggest rewording the opening line just so it makes more sense. You could talk about the smoothness of the wooden drum stick, the glossy feel of the polish that has been put on it, the rough spots on the end of the stick from where it repeatedly hits the head of the drum, but I don't think "flows like water through my hand" is a good metaphor for playing the drums.
After reading the chapter, I noticed that you have really great grammar, which is awesome, because explain grammar to people is difficult and confusing for us both. :)
One thing that I would like to see more of though, is description. You definitely describe things (boring hallway, bland doors) What I mean is that, I think the story would have more "unnph" to it if you elaborated more on that and on their actions.
You wrote: Tony warned as he situated his green snapback correctly on his head. To give it a little something more, you could add her reaction to that, whether she glared at him playfully and shoved his shoulder before she replied, "That's the whole fun of it, Turtle!"
Playing off of that, I'm a fan of Pierce the Veil but I don't know much about them, seeing as they're not one of my favorites, so maybe you could explain the nickname, too? It would definitely bring more depth into the story and clear up any confusion that anyone has!
Overall, I'd give this story four stars because there's nothing wrong with it at all!
This story is really good, and although there isn't much to go off of in the first chapter, I can see this becoming one of those stories where people wait anxiously for an update simply because they love it.
In order to get that fifth star, describe more about what is going on (what the old people say, whether they're going back and forth in the cart, the nickname, her looks, how she got the job), anything like that to bring more depth into the story.
To get the fifth star, you need to breach the surface of the story and delve deeper in the characters in the coming chapters. :) I would recommend this story to anyone who likes Pierce the Veil and anyone who wants to see a good story develop.
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