Lame Signatures and a BBcode failure :/ Help Needed. Desperately. Like. A lot :)

If by some strange reason you check my profile and actually like what I have to say or what I write, then maybe you'll see this an help me ;)

It seems EVERYONE has these amazing signatures, with whimsical fonts and extraordinary fading coloring.

How?

What?

What are this?

Does anyone have the patience, skill, time, or sanity to help me come up with a cool signature or explain to me how I can create one?

I know everyone hates the Mibbians who don't know how to work the site just like the Seniors hate the Freshman.

Well since I suck at BBcode AND I'm a Freshman,

I'm technically screwed.

If you helped me I would love you forever and ever and ever, and perhaps name a character after you in my story :)