I'm eighteen, really young. But compared to others that are my age, still a baby. A lot of people like to say that I'm more mature than other eighteen year olds, and I sometimes believe it too. But I've never had a boyfriend, never kissed a guy, and I never liked someone as much as I like...let's call him Malik...I've liked him for like half a decade, that's a long time. And I'm eighteen now so I can start dating. But at the same time, I don't wanna set my heart up for heartbreak. I don't wanna get married so young either -we only date for marriage, so if I'm dating someone, it's because we wanna ge to know each other and see if we're right for one another- I can be married by 23 - 25 and that'd be awesome. But for now, I wanna live. But I also want him.
Like, I want to enjoy days with Malik and I want him to squeeze my hand like he did two days ago. I wanna talk to him for hours, look him in the eyes and just silently gaze. He's a beautiful person who's been through a lot. And even though I keep telling myself that I don't wanna get attached so fast, it's been 5 years and you can't always keep telling yourself the same thing. Even now, I find myself desperatly waiting for the day I'm going to see him again. Saying "I love you" scares me. A lot, actually. But I know for a fact that if I ever say it to someone, I want it to be to him. I want to fall in love with him. Just him. And I want to make him happy.
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