If you were looking for an insight to Bi-Polar/depression/anxiety.. this is it.

NOTE: This may trigger. But this is how I feel every damned day of my life.

One minute, everything is fine and dandy and you don't really care about anything at all. Everything is good and you smile at simple little things just because. Just because you can. Just because you want to. Just because they make you smile. You take in all the little things that you never really did before, and you feel happy. You feel refreshed. You feel better than you've ever felt before.

Then bam.

The next minute, it starts. For no reason, for every reason. Everything you've ever known comes back and bites. And it hurts. And it hurts a hell of a lot. And you panic because you don't know what to do. You panic because you don't know how it started or when it started and you just want it to stop. You think about everything that always and never was, the times that were and could have been. You over-think until you go crazy. You trigger and you urge and you fight those demons so hard, that you tire yourself out and just want to do nothing but sleep.

Sleep. Cut. Drink. Be happy.

Because that's what makes us happy when we're sad, isn't it? That's what takes the pain away? But yet, ironically enough.. it's what stops us from being numb. At the same time as taking the pain away, it takes away the numb feeling too. Or vice versa. Or maybe even everything in one go.

You're confused. So you panic even more. So you cut once more. Or you take another swig of your drink. Or you pop another pill. And you think just how great life will be when you're no longer in it.

And then you're happy again. Happy because you realise that one day, you will no longer be here. One day, you'll no longer have to fight. One day, you'll be free and everything will be perfect and you don't care about anyone else, other than you in that moment.

Morbid. You should think about yourself all the time, you should think about what makes you happy every single second of the day.. and yet, the only time it makes you happy to think of yourself, is when you're sat thinking of the day you will finally die?

And then you fall asleep and when you wake up the next day, the cycle repeats.