This is why I'm going to end up a cat-lady

I've been thinking about it (well obsessing about it) and somehow I just don't seem the marriage material type. And then I get scared, because OH MY LORD ALMIGHTY I DONT WANT TO DIE ALONE

But, here's my list of why I don't think I'd be an ideal life partner:

1) my OCD. it's a lot better than it was three years ago, but there's still times I have a meltdown and I just cant deal. so if I have an hour long shower, it's only because if I come out i'm going to be panicking for the rest of the day and wanting to shower again and again.

2) I hate being touched. Probably stems from the OCD but if you touch me without me being okay with it, you're going to lose an arm. Especially not on my face. I'll bite you :/

3) I don't really think I'm the romantic type. I can just imagine if someone came to me and gave me roses or something, I'd probably scream 'OH MY GOD IM ALLERGIC' and watch their reaction.

4) I love lame jokes. And if you don't, like most people, we aren't going to get along and you're going to look at me like I'm retarded. well, its not my fault if you don't have a sense of humor. (btw why did the banana go to the hospital? because it wasn't peeling well :D)

5) I really don't get the whole close-knit family thing. I don't think I could treat my in-laws like my own parents because no, you did not give birth to me or wipe up my poo, therefore I will not love you like a mummy.

6) when I am pissed, I am pissed. don't even try to calm me down because I'm going to end up flinging something at you. like a knife.

7) I cant cook. seriously, do I look like im domesticated? But, I have got a simple solution: my husband (if I do get one) will be a chef. that way, no fight.

8) the beach is a big no-no for me. another OCD thing

9) I haven't got the cleanest mouth. fact. I might swear your mother if you piss me off. fact. we'll get divorced.

10) I like change. what if I get bored of my husband after a few years? I'd probably stay for the kids but still.

So there you have it. I'm going to be a cat lady. Except I'm scared of cats. yeah, we'll see how that works out..