No one reads these,right?

I feel like I am going to explode,I will fine for 5 minutes then when I am alone,I feel extremely depressed and like I want to just die.I am too scared to kill myself though,you see?
Our bodies were meant to live and fight to stay alive,passing out from blood loss,blacking out when we O.D., falling off of a building isn't a guaranteed way to go.
Though, I feel really useless and they say that it's just because I am a girl and I am growing and hurting every month or so,which is understandable but I also feel sometimes like it isn't really just my body telling me I need to bleed for a week and cry a lot...I feel broke and hurt by a lot of people and I feel like I can't truth the people I KNOW I should trust.The guy who I helped before, who trusts me and cares about me, I just feel like "You know,you are hurting for him to be your's and he won't give it to you anymore,so you HAVE to start freaking out and acting suicidal for attention." which isn't me at all.

I just feel like I am constantly on the verge of breaking down an screaming, but then maybe I would feel better. I literally have no one to talk to because I don't have many friends and the friends I do have get mad at me for using them just to tell them my problems...well, they only STAY problems because no one will help me fix them.
I feel ugly, unwanted, stressed about college, and dying for some affection from him...but he is dealing with stress over me which makes him not want to give me affection at all...my crazy jealousy and trust/confidence issues made us end things, but I have worked on them a lot since then but I still feel like it's not enough to prove to myself I am worth anything since no one wants to help me or be there for me when I really need them...I just wish someone knew how I was feeling EXACTLY without me burdening them with the story of why I feel this way.