5 Things I hate about slash

OK so as someone who has read/written a bit of slash and femmeslash, it's obviously something I've encountered a wide range of. Some of the stuff I've read here has been absolutely amazing, and some of it has had good ideas, but some of it has just irritated me beyond belief, particularly as someone with a lot of gay/bi/pansexual friends. So here are my top 5 pet peeves (most of which relate to boyxboy)

1. Same sex pairings with a hetero relationship
Every time I encounter this one I want to rip my eyeballs out with a pair of chopsticks. You can't write a story about say two girls getting together, and then just make one of them a dude with boobs and a Queen Mary. It just doesn't work that way. Sorry.

2. The hyperactive scene kid
I can almost guarantee that anyone familiar with this genre has read one of these. That one kid who always wear retina-burning neon clothing (usually specified as being Hot Topic- I have never even been to Hot Topic and I already hate it) and skips everywhere. These are almost uniformly written in first person and sound something like 'omg I looooove Lucky Charms!!! They're like unicorn poop!! Hahahaha!! I'm so random!! Hahaha I'm gay hahahah!!'

3. Casual hookups between best friends
To be honest I am yet to meet anyone in the real world who greets their friends by ferociously making out with them. Apparently this is fairly prevalent in the American LGBTQ community, however? [read: no one does this. Please stop writing about it.]

4. The bully and the cute kid
I guess similar to (1) although a little more specific to boyxboy pairings: one scowling bully (either football player or teen delinquent) meets one tiny bubbly cute boy (who is actually just a girl with a penis) and he miraculously changes his ways because it turns out that deep down he's just a big ol' cuddly teddy bear. Despite usually being accompanied by a tragic backstory of abuse/neglect.

5. The bitchy lady friend
THERE IS ALWAYS ALWAYS SOME CATTY FEMALE FRIEND WHO LIKES TO USE TERMS LIKE 'BITCH' AND 'GAY BEST FRIEND' AND PAINTS SAID BOY'S FINGERNAILS AT THEIR PYJAMA JAMMIE-JAMS. Seriously, enough. I have to deal with enough bitchy oestrogen overload in my real life let alone on here.

and with that, I am out.
/endrant