You Are Not Interested In Anyone?

No, I am not interested in anyone.
One of my brothers came by for my birthday the other day, and asked me whether or not I would be open to him finding me a boyfriend. The older I get, and still adamantly refuse relationships, the more troubled they become with my lifestyle.
I told him that I did not want a boyfriend, because I am not interested in relationships, and he started to ask me a lot of questions.

Do you find people attractive?
Yes, I can think someone is attractive, but I have never wanted to do anything about it.

Don't you want friends? Someone that you are close to? Someone that you are intimate with?
I have nothing against friendship, I don't feel like I am lacking something not having it, it's not something I actively seek out. It's not a priority, I guess.

Do you feel like you have a close connection to your family?
I believe that I am close to my family, yeah.

Have you ever been affected by a person? Someone you've seen, or someone you've talked to?
Yeah, I have been inspired, or affected by certain people, but usually it is them in relation to others, or on their own that affects me.

He asked me if I knew that humans were social creatures, and said that he thought I was supressing instinct on purpose, and I assured him that he could think whatever he wished, but I wasn't supressing anything. I just simply don't want a boyfriend.
I don't doubt that people can be, and are often happy to be in relationships, and that they find then enriching, or worthy experiences. I honestly don't doubt that.
I just don't see how I could be in one. I am based off of necessity, off of what I strive to be pure logic, and emotions are not my forte, they never have been, and to enter a situation where I would have to take into account someone elses emotions, be in a way responsible for their emotions, and then worse, be obligated to express myself, and reciprocate my own emotions, which are vague, far away things that I know little about, and would rather keep my distance from anyway. It all seems a disaster, and though I don't doubt that out of all seven billion people on this Earth, and my disposition to find gender, and to a certain degree, age, a minor detail in caring for people, that someone, somewhere could fit the bill and endure me. I do rather doubt my ability to find such a person, especially since I am not, and will not, be looking.
If ever a thing like that should happen, it would be unexpected, having fallen somehow into my lap.

I don't know why I am even writing this, it has all just been on my mind.

If you have any comments (though I don't know what anyone would say to this) feel free to mention them.

July 31st, 2013 at 04:48am