Yesterday was the first time I've really been out in public with my new haircut, which my mom and grandma absolutely hate because it 'makes me look like a boy'- as it turns out I can't be bothered to give a single fuck considering that was the original point.
Anyway, my previous haircut (mowhawk) certainly helped me pass, but I was still 'miss'-ed and 'ma'am'-ed a lot, even while dying in my makeshift binder. But now after shaving the sides and leaving hair on the top, I was correctly gendered over the course of dinner by our waitress, and I noticed I was receiving no weird 'is that a dude or a chick' looks from other dinner guests. Which was great. And my mom didn't out me when the waitress 'sir'-ed me, which was nice, but she thought it was more of a joke between us than anything. She makes jokes like "mother like son" that make me feel really good inside until I realize she's just making fun of me. So that sucks.
The thing is when I went to fill out GED paperwork I specified I was trans* and left before anyone could comment on it, but I know someone will mention it when I go back with my mom later in the week, and that piled on the fact that I easily pass in public and I'm feeling more secured in my masculinity AND femininity, I think I should tell my mom. If she handles it well maybe I can say goodbye to doubling up on sports bras and hello to an actual binder. Maybe I can even get a gender therapist.
The doctor started her on prozac, so I guess now's the best time to bring all of this up.
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