..Shit has changed. Alot. Still live in that apartment, married to an awesomely stupid man. Hes smart, but cant seem to get his priorities in order. Its okay though, no body is perfect. What's not okay is my grandma. She died in January. She was literally my rock. Like the rock in the sand that the house is built on. It sucks ass, cause shes all i ever think about. Literally. I've had a hard time focusing on important things in like like my son and school. I don't cry too often about her, but I do get extremely sad about the fact that shes not here anymore. I knew good and god damn well that one day "imma ask granny" was going to come to an end. Just not this soon. My cousin and I both just knew our grandma was going to live to a nice ripe ass age in her 90's. She had so many stories to tell. Like about how she went to a colored high school. Didn't actually know about that untill after she died, and we came across her high school diploma. My mom (her daughter) seems to be void of emotions about her. It confuses me alot. I know she loved her, but at the same time, resented her. I mean i guess thats okay, as long as shes okay with her being gone. Im pretty sure we all are okay with it by now. Even though shes not here anymore, we know she isn't suffering anymore.
Its crazy that this year is almost over. It feels like yesterday my husband (at the time still dating) and I celebrated New Years at Knotts. He kissed me under the fireworks, it was amazing. The cold night air, made it one of the most romantic times. I don't know why, but it just did. The time between New Years and the time my grandma died was only a short 18 days. Although it seems like an eternity, the time was incredibly short. The last thing I remember saying to my grandma was "please get better". Those simple words and New Years, I now have to associate with her passing. In a way, its stupid, but that's just the way my brain is wired to work.
Everyday, I water the plants on the patio and outside the house. My grandma was a huge gardener. She had 6 or 7 garden plots at two different community gardens, in two different cities. I took over the plots at the garden closest to her house, but soon gave it up due to the nasty racist garden manager. He always looked down on my grandma, but that's okay, cause shes looking down on him now. As for the plants in the patio garden and outside the house, my grandma helps me look after them still. Every singel day, every single time that I water or even just go out there, pretty white butterflies come and hang around whatever im doing. At first, I didnt think anything of it. Oh, just some butterflies, but because I've been blessed with the clairvoyance disease, I soon realized that was her, and probably the rest of the family. At first, it was just one white butterfly, but the number grew to 5 or 6. Its amazing. My grandma never left.
My husband can be a complete idiot at times, but he is by far the smartest man i've been with. Im glad we got married. At first, I couldnt see myself married to him because of the fact that he's 14 years older than I am. He's 35, and I am 21. In the beginning, I was constantly away that he was well older than me. As time went on, I slowly began to forget about that. To this day, our age difference vaguely bothers me. We both have issues in our lifes that lead to some sort of mental issue. I put up with and stuck by his side through his troubling times, and he loved me for that. He did the same for me, and I love him for that. Our marriage was sudden. We where faced with either leave each other, or be united. We chose to be united.
He took on my son, and he's called him dad. Even before we knew we where going to get married. He loves my son as his own flesh and blood. For a long time, I prayed and prayed that God would be graceful enough to give me a husband. And he did. At first, i was skeptical, and unsure. I'm glad I didn't listen to my logic and reasoning. Whenever I do, I talk myself out of something good. I almost did, but something basically took me by my hand and said "NO! KEEP YOUR ASS SEATED RIGHT HERE!" I love my husband, and I know he loves me. Besides, he stuck right by my side, when my grandma passed. I cant help but long to be his one and only until the end ;)
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