I left off with how my mom came home from the hospital. She was sent home to get stronger so that they could give her chemo to shrink the mass. It was a struggle to get her to eat, and it go to the point where, only a few days later, it just proved to be too much.
I was walking a lot. That day in particular, I walked over 6 miles, just to be out of the house and away from these problems for a little while. At least I was losing weight. If only that weight could have been given to my mother. It was the Fourth of July, and by the time I got home, my mom, who had been in bed all day, needed to use the restroom. She was too weak to make it. She passed out and urinated on the floor. I was horrified that she had passed out and started crying. Before she had fainted she told me she wasn't dying. Even now, while she's so weak, I wish I could believe her. She can't even tell me she's not dying now. She won't even tell me hello.
My dad called the ambulance, and my mom told him to tell them not to use the sirens. She never has liked attention. She was taken to the emergency room with the immense back pains. They pumped 2 liters of fluid into her system. She had been extremely dehydrated, even though she had been drinking water. I guess it's because the last couple of mornings she kept throwing up.
She got a room late that night. For the next week, she got progressively weaker. They had to put the tube back into her nose and down the stomach to remove bile. I walked in the second day she was there, before they put the tube in, in time to witness her sitting up and vomiting this nasty, dark brown bile. It smelled horrible. I felt so bad for her, and there was nothing I could do.
Because she kept getting weaker, they decided something had to be done. The only thing that could be done was a feeding tube. They put one tube into her stomach to drain the bile so she would not have that uncomfortable tube in her nose, but when they tried to put the feeding tube into her small intestines, the mass was in the way. It took them two tries to find a way around it. The doctor who did the surgery said he was surprised by just how hard the mass was. He had poked it. The Monday before the first tube surgery, they took the biopsy to see if the mass was cancerous.
My dad had gone to the house to meet up with me, but I had gone to the hospital straight from work. He had gone to the house because he wanted to tell me there that the mass was cancerous. Instead, he told me in the car, before we went to HEB. That was the first time I had ever seen my dad cry. He told me we were going to beat this disease once and for all. *sighs*
The doctors said it would take weeks for the feeding tube to work. The cancer has been so aggressive that she could not handle the pain, and it looks like it's moving too quickly for her to ever get any strength back. She was discharged from the hospital and moved to a 24 hour emergency hospital that has an inpatient care unit. She stayed there for a week before she was moved to The Crescent, a nursing home.
The Emergency room was really nice. Spacious. It was a family room with an extra bed even. There was a huge wide screen tv that was low to the ground. Out of place, almost. She wasn't very chatty, but she said to one of the nurses who obviously smoked that it was bad and that he shouldn't do it. He did stink up the whole room. But my mom has always been like that. Such dry humor. I've always loved that about her.
The day before she was moved was the biggest change in how she behaved. She just stopped responding to much of anything that was said. She'd say she loved me and would say hello, but that was it. The other day, however, she actually reached up to give me a hug and said how she was glad that I was here. I already miss her. She gave me her necklace to wear when she went into the feeding tube surgery and wouldn't take it back. She kept telling me to wear it. I was wearing it, but the pull of the necklace makes me feel like I am choking. I feel bad for taking it off.
I'm pretty much caught up, now. She would barely open her eyes for me today when I went to see her. Didn't say hello or goodbye or I love you. My uncle and her cousin are in visiting. I don't think she responded to them, either, but my friend's mom came to see her. She is probably one of the most sweetest ladies I have ever met. My dad said she smiled for her.
My mom's cat, who would run to her room when she went to bed, lay next to her, meow at her face and put her paws on her hands as she slept, has been very upset. She was crying a lot, wandering the house, but I started loving on her more, and she's been very clingy to me. She's a mean cat, unfortunately, especially to strangers, but she chases my cat out of the room and has taken over Angel's spot on my bed. She goes under my covers and bothers me, walks over my pillows. I know she did this to my mom, so I'm just trying to love on her and make her feel a little better.
I fear that I'm going to forget some of the things my mom used to say to me. Things like "watch the idiots" as I left for class. Or when the phone rang and she'd say "Jone's Barn Grill, may I help you?". And how she'd call me "Dip stick" and sometimes mess it up and say "Dick spit". I love her so much. I just wish something could be done to heal her. Anything. She has been through so much. She had pneumatic fever as a child, polio, and another disease all at the same time. She was in a horrible car accident in her 30's that broke her back and various other parts of her body. It took her I think it was 6-8 weeks to even leave the hospital. She's had thyroid cancer. The colon cancer. I just don't see why bad things kept happening to her. She didn't deserve any of this. Why couldn't she have been given a break? Life is so cruel.
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