Okay i'm going to do it

I'm going to tell him how I feel. I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm going to say, and that's the purpose of the blog: to plan it out so I don't end up looking like a complete idiot. (well, it's kind of inevitable but still)

I've decided that the perfect time is when my insomnia kicks in around 2AM, because I feel less inhibited at that time and also he'll hopefully be asleep so I don't have to deal with his reaction right away.

Alright now for the actual confession. I'm not quit sure yet how to do this, it's not like I'm experienced. I've got a terrible confession to make . iactaullygoogledhowtotellaguyyoulikehim. How pathetic is that. WELL SHUT UP I'M FLOUNDERING HERE.

Well Google sucks coz all it's told me is that it's cowardly to tell a crush through text. Yes Google I know that, thanks for pointing it out and making me feel a lot more confident.

but honestly, I just want to get it off my chest and let the chips fall where they may. He's my best friend, and if what I have to say makes him feel awkward and just distance himself from me, well then i'd rather not speak to him at all, coz that's not the kind of person I want around me anyway.

look, im not looking for a relationship, I just don't want to feel imprisoned by this anymore. FLY MY LITTLE FEELINGS, FLY!

so this is what the one sided confession is looking like in my head right now

"so im trying to find the right words, but I guess there isn't any perfect way to say what I want to right now. I just really need to get this off my chest and you know i'm always honest with you so here it goes:
Slams, I think I kind of like you. I cant be 100 % sure because I don't even know what im feeling anymore. but there you go.
Ive actually wanted to say it for a while, and I almost did around May, but I changed my mind at the last second because I didn't want to fuck up a friendship I really value.
you know youre one of my bestestest friends in the world, and maybe its just because I trust you so much and feel really comfy around you that its developed into kinda feelings. (well I mean im not comfy around you in person, because I end up becoming mute and an awkward duckling when youre around)
and thing is, well im not like 'omg Salmaan I wanna have your babies' but I don't really want misbah to either. but confusingly enough, saabirah im okay with. like if you liked her that's cool (better choice than mizzzzzz)
look im not saying this to make things awkward and honestly I don't want things between us to change, I just needed to get it out (I mean ive been keeping it in for months). and I do kinda believe its better to say it, instead of regretting not saying it
and I donno how it works in guy world, but if you need to talk about it, riyaadh knows (he knew I liked you before he knew I liked him-_- ) oh and I think he told allakis too ..
but yeah. im going to go sleep now and press send before I change my mind again. sorry about this essay and well all of this . byes xx "

yes, im quite happy with that. it says what I need to even if it is a long essay.