Message to the Brave, and Fallen

I lost a piece of myself that day, when I heard you passed away.
Although I felt as if I couldn't hold anymore pain, the sorrow ran deep into my veins.

I miss you, Grandpa. I miss you so much it hurts, and I regret not talking to you although I knew I could.
I can't stand to look at myself anymore, because I know I lost my chance, and became the monster I never wanted to be again. I really wish I knew you forgave me for everything I did, and I hope you are in a better place.
You know what? I know you are.
And I know you can't read this, but maybe you can hear me from where you are.

Uncle Hoof, if you were here, you would see what I have become, and see that I am no longer the little girl you knew. And although your death took it's toll on me, nothing is worse than going over to Uncle Marks and not seeing you there.
I miss how you made fun of me, and called me Raven, and Black head when I dyed my hair, if you would have seen it blonde, what would you have said?

I guess it really doesn't matter anymore, since it has almost been two years for the both of you. But I really hope you know that I miss you.
It's killing me inside to not be able to see either of you, but I did hear you, Hoof. I got your message and I am so happy to hear you were proud of me. But that was then, and what do you think now, seeing me as a crying mess?
I love you both, no matter what. And I can't wait to see you again when it is time.