AS Results and why I don't think I'll make it into Uni.

A piece of paper can be the most devastating thing in the world. Today, I witnessed people I knew in tears all because of the piece of paper that existed within the envelope that had their name on. And like usual, I was not one of those crying because everyone knows I'm soulless and don't cry. And like usual, I am blocking out my feelings because I don't feel, like everyone knows. I just exist without reacting to things that happen with emotional responses because I have a black heart that doesn't feel.

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These are my AS results. Two fucking e's and I can't breathe.

Sure, other people got four straight U's but I AM NOT THEM SO THEREFORE THAT DOES NOT BOTHER ME BECAUSE THEIR RESULTS CANNOT GET ME INTO UNIVERSITY.

Were caps necessary? I don't know. But they're there and I'm not changing them because I need somewhere to express that.

But as you can see, my results are less than pleasing. Did you know to do Creative Writing in any uni I've looked at I need a B in English Literature? Did you notice I got a C and a D in English, which levelled out to a C which is nowhere even fucking close to a B because grade boundaries suck.

So as you can see, the chances of me getting any offer from any uni next spring is highly unlikely, and if I do, there's a very, very, very slim chance I'll get the grades that are needed because I fucked up and just can't take it.

I'm just so disappointed but to people I know, I'm okay with them because hey, first time sitting AS exams and they're pretty good. LIKE HELL THEY ARE. These results are so bad. This girl I know got five straight A's and they were for the harder subjects like Maths, Biology, Further Maths, Physics and Chemistry and what the fuck did I fail? History of Art? Come on, that's pathetic.

Well, I'm pathetic so I guess I couldn't have expected any less.

This is a rant because I have no where else to express my feelings and it's so fucking personal that no one needs to feel the need to read it because I am such a disappointment and just hate myself in my entity.
August 15th, 2013 at 11:09pm