(For the record, it's not just Arie's fault, okay? THE CAST IS ALSO AT FAULT FOR BEING HOT SO IDK)
EPISODE 1
My Body by Young The Giant is kind of my jam so of course I'm already into it plus is that a lacrosse stick thing? LACROSSE?!??? BOYS WHO PLAY LACROSSE ARE ATTRACTIVE. EXCELLENT. ABBIE IS INTRIGUED BY THIS TURN OF EVENTS. And you're working out?!??!?!? STOP IT LET'S GET MARRIED pls. You hear a noise WHAT ARE YOU DOING NO STAY IN YOUR HOUSE DAMN IT LE SCOWL
AYO STILES
u hot
A PREDATOR
shut up pls
ARE YOU LIKE MISFIT HARDY BOYS OR S/T
STAY IN YOUR DAMN HOUSES
don't curse at my bb stiles
stiles cmere ily already
only found half
YOU ARE NOT THE HARDY BOYS STOP hey bench warmers are cool STILES STOP BEIN' A SNARKY LIL SHHHH OKAY shush no omg be careful YOU GUYS PLS DON'T DIE severe asthmatic AND YOU WANNA BE ON THE LACROSSE TEAM BOY PLEASE
stiles why did you leave him STILES THAT'S WHAT YOU GET U CRAY LIL SNARKY SEXY BOY UGH not the boring ones
USUAL
SCOTT
HIS NAME IS SCOTT u cute stiles UGH ILY shippin' it is this a bromance is it DO I SNIFF A BROMANCE IN THE AIR why u left ur bro tho THAT'S THE FIRST RULE OF BROMANCES OH MAN THIS IS SCARY HE DOESN'T HAVE A FLASHLIGHT OH MAN IT'S COLD IS THAT A WOLF I HEAR OH MAN GETTING GOOSEBUMPS wut is going on scott that's the wrong reaction oh my god WHERE DID ALL THESE DEER BUCK THINGS COME FROM AND THE INHALER YO IT'S JUST AN INHALER OMG wut WHAT EVEN what is going on scott this is not ur best move dude DUDE U FOUND THE BODY WAY TO GO UR CLUMSY well u can kiss the lacrosse team goodbye babe JEEZ GET IT TOGETHER i wanna see more stiles
YO WHAT WAS THAT IS THAT
OH MY GOD IS IT TRYING TO EAT HIM NO KILL IT WITH FIRE omg run run run run u don't have ur inhaler tho shoot man causin' acidents and wutnot OMG IT BIT U
WHAT DUDE scottie cmere let me kiss it better ;D SNAP now mtv killed the music score great SCOTT GET A CAR HOW U GON GET SOME WITHOUT A CAR AND WHO THE HELL IS THAT GUY JACKSON OR WHOEVER frowning angrily stiles stop stop it U WEREN'T EVEN THERE HOW U KNOW shut up california doesn't have wolves SHUT UP
tyler posey ily
and U KNO WUT STILES SHUT UP OKAY UR GETTIN' REJECTED 'CAUSE LYDIA OR WHOEVER HER NAME IS just isn't that into u JEEZ DON'T BLAME SCOTTIE HE CAN'T HELP BEIN' A CUTIEPATOOTIE SHEESH nerd by association crying bro
it's mah-cah-breh
DAMN.
i do not like u WHOSE PHONE IS THAT WHAT IS HE THE ONLY ONE HEARING IT WHAT DUDE WHY ARE YOU GETTING ALL STALKY SCOTT WOAH WHO IS THAT hrm le hrm SCOTT PAY ATTENTION DUDE what is going on YO ALLISON YOOOOOO u cute scott get that grin off ur face damn imma smack u STOP BEIN' CREEPY and it's that weird jackson is back YO SASSY BLACK GIRL WUSSUP WE'RE OBVS SAME PERSON don't be creepy DUDE DON'T GO TO THAT PARTY family night hrm right DUDE SHUT UP LET IT GO JACKSON GO AWAY lacrosse GO AWAY JACKSON GO AWAY and that girl annoys me
and the soundtrack is so far pretty okay
scott STOP HITTING OH MY GOSH
is that weezer
IS THAT WEEZER
stop being creepy oh my gosh what is going on THIS SOUNDTRACK IS GOOD OH MY GOD HE GOT CLOCKED IN THE FACE baby that's not how you catch things OH u got it YOU GOT IT stiles u a cutie PLS DON'T EVER NOT SMILE ILY omg scottie's got it yep qt is that jackson JACKSON GTFO i don't like u hahahahahahha SCOTTIE CAUGHT IT
stiles and scottie bondin' in the woods time STILES DUDE ILY what if it's an infection lycanthropy U A WEREWOLF BRO stiles u so smart ily the killer DUDE WHO THE HELL IS THAT who is that dude
what
IS THAT JACKSON
THE HECK U DOIN' HERE
AND WHAT
stiles is that ur oh face
DEREK HALE HUH sounds hot
hot hot hot
picante
yep
ur still an ass tho
ANIMAL CLINIC DOES THAT MEAN U WORK WITH PUGS BABY ILY PUGS what DUDE WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT NASTY BITE YOU HAD?!?!?? kitties KITTIES ARE FREAKING OUT well that's the end of our relationship bc ily cats and cats hate you AND IS THAT ALLISON??????
quoi
this dog???!?!?!! is that allison???? IS THAT ALLISON OR NOT woah that eye stuff dude calm it with those cgi effects I HAVE A SHIRT IN MY BAG so this is how it starts UR LEAVING ME FOR HER HUH it's okay i have stiles STOP WATCHIN' HER U NASTY peepin' tom and what not you are a girl oh my gosh
planning the wedding yep
i'd probably cry
I'D CRY LIKE THE BIGGEST GIRLY GIRL EVER stop it U CUTE LIL SHHH if u don't want her to sue how about i sue you for being adorable ilysm are you guys going to make out no okay i guess
~patiently awaits
HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT FAMILY NIGHT CREEPER HRMPHHHH don't be weird BUT U GETTIN' IT U GETTIN' THE A
DO YOU SLEEP IN THE NUDE
let's snuggle
WOAH
how did you get outside how did that happen what is going on WHAT DUDE GET A CAP ON YOURSELF SERIOUSLY ARE YOU OH
okay
you don't sleep naked
crying
oh snap is that a wolf??? OH MY GOD RUN RUN WHAT ARE YOU DOING DON'T JOG THIS ISN'T A FRIENDLY SPRINT THERE YOU GO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT ON FIRST LINE WITH THAT POOR RUNNING FORM BOY PLEASE dude calm down relax WHAT HAPPENED??!??!?!
confused.
hrmph.
DEREK
OR JACKSON?!?!?!
hot people need to stop he's not on steroids
my mom does all my grocery shopping
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU dude don't confess stuff to guys you don't know THAT'S HOW YOU GET KILLED DAMN IT way to go LOOK WHAT YOU DID WAY TO GO stiles ur back UR BACK ILY ILY ILY stiles i love u and that coach YOU NEED TO GO I DON'T LIKE YOUR HAIR cream cheese really that's the best you can do WOW SOMEONE REALLY WANTS THAT MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH OSCAR GO BABY GO GET IT WHAT jackson GO AWAY wait is that jackson???? i should pay better attention SCOTTIE GET IT BABY YOU GO BABE OH SNAP someone's been free running in his spare time WELL YOU JUST MADE A NEW ENEMY ON THE TEAM 'CAUSE JACKSON IS NOT A HAPPY CAMPER coach STOP god i don't like u creepy lil shh stiles STILES U LOOK UPSET
STILES WHAT ARE YOU DOING
STILES ARE YOU
WHAT
what is going on
are you killing ur bff and ur bro DUDE WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' u readin' adderal ADDERAL i love you i can be mrs. stiles mostdef
scott STILES IS TRYING TO HELP YOU it's a pack of wolves DUDE LISTEN TO HIM dude HE'S HELPING YOU DAMN IT JEEZ u gon be killin' and wutnot DAMN WAY TO GO u gotta cancel this date
BROMANCE BRO IS MAD JELLY JEEZ SCOTTIE GET IT TOGETHER stiles
stiles
stiles come here I LIKE YOUR EYES come over here let me hold you AND SCOTT DUDE SAY YOU'RE SORRY AND MEAN IT DOMESTIC BRO ABUSE IS SERIOUS STUFF slash marks OH U GOT THE CAR
U GON GET IT TONITE
safe sex talk
crying bc mtv made fun of 16 and prego YAY wooooooot AND OH THERE SHE IS ALL CUTE AND WHAT NOT IT'S OKAY I CAN ACCEPT IT OH THERE'S A POOL why do i feel like someone's going to get pushed into it at some point AND IS THAT DEREK
WOAHHHHH someone has mastered the creepy stare yep OH DAMN BOY YOU BEST HIDE ooooh allison's got u oh snap MAKE OUT DO IT PLS feels feels shipping it WHY ARE YOU STARING AT HIM OTHER CREEPY POPULAR GIRL WHY what is going on oh my god ur ruinin' it WHAT ARE YOU DOING OH MAN IS stiles there and oh sassy black girl??!??? oooohh allison no stay back oh my gosh OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN DEREK derek u guys ain't bros STILES IS HIS BRO
HOW DARE YOU
omg omg scottie what is happening to you
scottie u got the sweats scottie why u got ur pants on HOW U GONNA COOL OFF WITH UR PANTS ON NO OMG THERE'S NO SHOWER CURTAIN UR GETTING WATER EVERYwhere ARE THOSE CLAAAWS AND FANGS
my what big fangs u have
is that stiles
STILES BABY NO HE GON' KILL YA HOW ARE WE GONNA BE TOGETHER IF
what
derek wouldn't OH MY GOD IT'S GONNA GET REAL STILES WHY YOU TOLD HIM WHY DAMN IT STILES YOU DONE DROPPED THE BALL are u droolin' YO MTV THESE CGI EFFECTS???? u can learn a lot from watching game of thrones jsyk idk stiles DO YOU DRIVE A JEEP oh ily I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU officially it's been settled STILES STOP DROPPING THE BALL ON THINGS OH MY GOD IS THAT HER BLAZER BUT SHE'S OKAY DEREK WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIM safe from you
DEREK IT'S GETTING REAL GO SCOTTIE YOU GO BABY WAIT is derek not a wolf????? or is he a wolf??? WHAT RUN FROM WHO IS THAT A HUNTER OR SOMETHING WHAT IS GOING ON DUDE derek WHO ARE YOU
are you a good guy or a bad guy oh snap u weren't ready GUESS YOU A GOOD GUY???? but wait what happened DUDE DEREK WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' make up ur mind
u sorry or u not sorry
WHO ARE YOU
hunters knew it US
US
US
SO YOU ARE A WOLF???? derek woah babe DO YOUR EYEBROWS GET A HAIR CUT SHAVE maybe get a nose job??? i don't like u
NO
STILES IS HIS BRO STOP IT IHYSM no go away u ruined everything is that stiles is that powder blue HOW DID YOU KNOW
i'm gonna punch you in the head
STILES ILY we'll get through this i had a boa once I HEART YOU ALLISON BE STONE COLD BE A FOX YEAHH am i gonna regret this GIRL GO AWAY LEAVE YOU RUINED THE SHIP omg HE'S A HUNTER OH MY GOSH HE KNOWS he smiled like he knows HE KNOWS OH
MY
GOSH
basically this gets a 4.9 bc stiles
only because of stiles
EPISODE 2:
so i guess scottie is the big man on campus
this song is neat so way to go mtv STILES STOP CHECKIN' HIM OUT stiles u so happy ily SCOTTIE HER DAD IS A HUNTER
shot me with a crossbow that's gonna make sunday dinner awkward idk SCOTTIE LACROSSE YAH U SO CUTE yay stiles gives such nice talks DUDE WHY DO YOU HAVE A BASEBALL MITT???! THIS AIN'T BASEBALL i don't understand lacrosse BUT I DO UNDERSTAND THAT BOYS LOOK CUTE WHILE PLAYING IT WOAHHHHH just got taken down WAS THAT JACKSON DUDE U WANNA GO dude i don't like you I DON'T LIKE YOU. go away u seem like u were a little shhh as a child idk DID YOU KILL JACKSON derek
dude stop it with the creepy looks ARE YOU GONNA KILL STILES LEAVE HIM ALONE OKAY YOU LEAVE HIM BE meanwhile abbie ponders if derek really did kill everyone and of COURSE STILES DECIDES TO REACT WITH A FIRE EXTINGUISHER yep great reaction DID YOU BLACK OUT stop trying to kill a bro you can't play DUDE THAT'S HOW HE GETS ALLISON stiles
DO YOU WANNA BE FIRST LINE
u seem suspicious but ily so idc
OH SASSY MOMMA McCALL yah
it's not like ur on drugs
right now
ANSWER THIS QUESTION SLOWLY hrm momma mccall was wild STILES ILY ILY look at you shootin' and wutnot
be carefulllllll
what are you looking at DUDE IS THAT DEREK derek stop it STOP IT
U SO CREEPY stop it ALL OF US????
ALL OF US
derek stop it
i don't like you GO AWAY GOSH DARN IT
coach stop twisting words our goalie is gay OH MY GOSH STOP IT SCOTTIE'S ISSUES shut up u look like a meth addict ARE SO MUCH DEEPER THAN YOUR BRO OR THE GAY GOALIE
oh damn scottie OH ALLISON U CUTE LOOK AT UR OUTFIT never busy for you ARE THOSE DIMPLES
YOU HAVE DIMPLES
you
have
dimples
OH MY GOSH
faints someone's screwed HOW YOU GONNA PLAY IN THAT GAME BABY hm
why do i feel like something's about to happen IS DEREK IN THE HALLWAY IS HE I FEEL LIKE HE IS who gave you your blazer back AND CREEPY POPULAR GIRL YOU NEED TO LEAVE AND GO NO ONE LIKES YOU i prefer my boyfriend at peak performance GIRL SHUT UP NO ONE LIKES YOU you creep me out weirdo oh curfew
THERE'S A CURFEW DUDE stiles ur dad sucks
derek DEREK TOTES KILLED THEM
STILES WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
is this how you become a wolf AND JACKSON BRO STOP don't be jelly DUDE WAS THAT BLAZER FROM DEREK dude don't be weird UR RUININ' IT
and where is derek when you need him oh there he is WHY DO YOU MANIFEST SO QUICKLY and derek stop it WITH YOUR NICELY FITTING SHIRTS
drooling
NO
BE STRONG ABBIE BE STRONG where did you go I DON'T LIKE YOU
i just like ur body
ur a but his face basically I'VE HAD A LOT OF ADDERALS stiles let's do adderal together whooooo~
creepy popular girl oh
it's lydia
LYDIA I DON'T LIKE YOU YOU LOOK STUPID AND GO AWAY stiles
stiles
stiles
STOP IT YOU CAN'T BE CHEATING ON ME WITH THIS GIRL she doesn't even like u SCOTTIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING MORGUES ARE CREEPY PEOPLE GET SLICED AND DICED IN THERE STOP SNIFFIN' do not tamper PUT GLOVES ON UR LEAVIN' PRINTS someone's never seen csi obvs
just the legs??? OH DAMN lydia stop it AND OF COURSE STILES IS READING ABOUT PERIODS AND STUFF let's go to home depot woot IS THAT A
OOH THAT'S A HOT CAR
IS THAT UR CAR DEREK
IS THIS A RED HERRING stiles omg it's the jeep yaaay~
something's different~ did i see a light on oh damn DUDE THE BODY ISN'T THERE i have a plan stiles u so prepared ily DEAD WOLF dead wolf???? WHY IS THERE A DEAD WOLF THERE rebury the body wolfsbane OH DAMN IT DUDE IS THAT LIKE WOLF BE GONE OR SOMETHING???? dude what happened what was that red thing DUDE OH MY GOD ARE WE GONNA DIE stiles wut did u do is that girl alive OR JUST POSED??? dude U GON' REGRET THAT derek's got his eye on u and wut not creepy eye oscar goes to derek stiles dude don't do it DUDE OH MY GOD STILES U WANNA DIE stiles stawp CUTIE derek go away ur eyes are pretty YOU GOTS PRETTY PEEPERS OMG POPPA STILES STAWP IT u traumatizing my baby STILES YOU A BAD LIAR DAMN reclining your body in a horizontal position bury you as a wolf DUDE STILES girl wolves stop enjoying it DUDE IS THIS SOME WEIRD DEREK JUJU omg is there some wolf evidence in the backpack AND OF COURSE SCOTTIE RAN AWAY jeez stiles U A LIFE RUINER OMG
ALLISON GIRL LOCK YOUR WINDOWS LOCK 'EM TIGHT 'CAUSE WOLFY BOO IS ON THE PROWL wow go to the wolf hunters house yep great idea scottie AND THEN YOU GET RUN OVER BY THE WOLF HUNTER yep wow way to go WAY TO GO. and then you get run over
this is totally derek's fault mostdef
is lacrosse really so late at night shoot
OH MAN monsieur wolf hunter's gonna be there OOH STILES U NUMBA 24 fine sass master SHEESH SCOTTIE SOMEONE REALLY HAS TO TONE DOWN THE ANGST dude calm down don't think about everything terrible i'm reminding you of STILES I LOVE YOUUUUUU
lydia actually the phrase is nobody likes YOU jackson JACKSON GO AWAY is that a chin dimple
BOYS WITH DIMPLES ON THIS SHOW jeez it's so bad stiles are you a nail biter omg SCOTTIE THIS IS A BAD IDEA and is that POPPA STILES AW BONDING MOMENT WOOOOH
is someone being left out oh man is that the ball??? GET IT OH SNAP OH MY GOD OH NO ANGRY SCOTTIE??? oh damn damn damn well at least they scored JACKSON NO ONE LIKES YOU OR YOUR CREEPY GF except those girls with their posters??? yah but beside them everyone else hates you dude u suck jsyk in case u weren't aware BET YOU KNOW THAT BABE IS GONNA TRY HIS HARDEST TO GET IT NOW YEP we're down two
that's your boyfriend's fault ALLISON DON'T DO IT allison HE SAW YOU girl DAMN
is that my chem IS THAT MY CHEM
excuse the fountain of the tears
AND WE CRAWL AND WE CRAWL
lydia u a sore loser OH DAMN ANGRY JACKSON IS ANGRY OH MAN HE SHIFTED OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN
dude
dude dude dUDE you ripped through the mitt thing???? DUDE oh no oh NOOOOO this is not good THIS IS NOT GOOD SCOTTIE I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN AND SO DID CREEPY DEREK we told you damnnnnnn
oh damn
NO
YAY
WE WON YAAAAAAAAAAY
happy ending? excellent but you're phasing DUDE OH MAN AND DEREK ISN'T HERE TO LEND YOU HIS CREEPY STARING ADVICE DUDE WOLF HUNTER IS ON TO YOU WOLF HUNTER KNOWS HE KNOWS MAN he knows sneaky sneaky OH NO WHO'S GONNA FIND YOU IN THE BATHROOM/LOCKER ROOM OH MY GOSH
allison NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RIGHT bc staring at her above a pipe thing isn't creepy no yeah your right most def GIRL YOU BETTA RUN RUN GIRL OH DAMN run
run girl
do you not hear me DAMN IT GIRL YOU GONNA GET BIT OR ATE OR SOMETHING SHOOT GIRL i'm scared for you go
GET OUTTA THERE
oh
he's okay
yep he aight
okay
IS IT GONNA HAPPEN
kiss kiss kiss pls DO IT
i can handle weird
no i don't think you can girl
OH SNAP SCOTTIE AND ALLISONNNNN
kiss kiss kiss POR FAVOR OH DAMN CRYING stupid feels and ships and what not WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME MTV damn u all to heck
that looks like an awkward kiss idk
STILES STOP BEING WEIRD
THAT COULD BE US IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE LYDIA BUT ALAS IT CAN NOT BE
le heavy sigh
YOU GOT CAUGHT STILES WAY TO GO super creep i still love u stiles i like your eyelashes DUDE oh snap DEREK
IS
OUT
OF
JAIL
dude derek killed his sister???? OH SNAP CRACKLE NO THE MITT THE MITT IS THERE dude omg who is that
is that jackson I SEE YOU u sneaky lil shhh with your perfect facial structure IS THAT DEREK
DEREK KILL 'IM
DO IT
DO YOU HAVE DIMPLES TOO
do all the boys on this show have dimples?????
this question will keep me up late into the night
so basically it gets a 4.9 again bc
u kno
cgi and wutnot
tune in next time for episodes three and four