Living with a drug addict.

My father has went to rehab once.

He had been hooked on meth though for over 20+ years.
That doesnt include all the other drugs that he has done. I remember stories that he told me about his drugs. About what all he has taken. And then there are those times where I witnessed him on his highs. I had always assumed that my father just had severe insomnia.

When i was younger, I was playing in my friends swimming pool. Her dad was a mutual friend to my dad. And that night she told me she saw my dad doing things with her dad that she knew was wrong. And i remember getting so angry at her, saying that my dad would never do anything like that. It was years later that i learned that my father did in fact roll up a joint right in front of me and my friend. I was just oblivious where as she knew exactly what was going on.

Her father died though. From dealing with drugs. Sleeping with the wrong woman for just a little bit of meth. He was murdered by her husband. There are still rumors going around that that this other guy was the one who did it. But the main person who was suspected was the womans husband that she had ran away from. But finally let him come home and poof her father was gone.

And my father was his best friend. Right after that my father always trashed the woman. Always trashed the drug users and told us that he would never associate with them. And then all of a sudden he was running with another huge meth head. My friends dad's nephew. Except that guy did pills like crazy. And that was when my father started to pop loratabs like freaking crazy. Causing more turmoil in my house, my mother to fight with my dad on countless occasions. My father haveing to stand up for my mom because my dad was so far gone that all he wanted was pills and he didnt care who got in his way. he was going to remove them out of his way, just so he could get ahold of his pills.

He was getting a huge prescription of xanex at that time. And one day he just tipped the bottle into his mouth and chugged over 100 blue xanex bars. That was the worst day of my life. He brought home some other drug friends and told them that it would be cool if they sat in the living room while he fought with my mom. Shoving her into a wall, that was when my brother had it. He rushed into the room and the next thing i knew my brother was in between my father and mother. My mom was crying and cussing my dad out and my dad was screaming.

For some reason my dad has always chose drugs over his family. Something that i could never seem to quite grasp. I mean me and my brother have both done drugs. But I would never do the things that he is so stupid to do. He had been clean for almost a year and then boom hes back to his old ways.

He has overdosed at least 5 times, he runs with the wrong people. And tries to pass off the marks on his legs as spider bites or poison ivy instead of just coming out and telling the truth. But i get why he doesnt tell us the truth. he doesnt want to lose his family. But still. You cannot have your cake and eat it too.

i have a daughter to think about and I'm not entirely sure what to do. i do not have the money to move out right now, and these are the times where i seriously wished that i had a boyfriend to just go stay with for a few days while everything here just cools down. But instead i dont, i have to sit here and not let my mom go through the hell that he will put her through. All the screaming will happen tonight. Because he has once again lied to us and stolen our money. Once again he is trying to do the things that he knows hes not supposed to do.

Apparently my father really wants to lose us. Because drugs just seem to be better than the people who love him.

No wonder i never trust guys when i get into relationships with them. i always think the worst.
Even my daughter father is a huge drug user. At first he wasnt, just simple marijuana. But it seems like even that leads to worst things.

xoxo - cassandra.
August 21st, 2013 at 10:03pm