*advice is welcome* JUST GETTING THIS OUT THERE

So I haven't exactly let anyone in on how desperate I am to get out of Chicago and just try and become a singer. No one knows how badly I want this. There's literally a pain in my chest right now because of how badly I just want it. But when you're so confidentless it's sort of hard to do. I have just about no confidence in myself. But I still want to do it. I mean I've been singing for as long as I can remember excpet now I hide it from the world. I don;t let anyone in on how I write songs and I sing my heart out when I'm alone. Last year I was suppossed to enter a competition to do so, but being me I chickened out and didn't give myself that oppurtunity. But they're coming back in March and I'm serious this time about doing it. I really just despise school and everything's that happened recently has really pushed me to this point where I feel that I NEED to do this and just give myself a fighting chance.
I really want to tell my brother about it. I know that he would suppport me more than anyone else. He would help me in any way he could and I just know know that I would be able to count on him. He knows how badly I want out and how much I love music. But I don't know what's holding me back from telling him. My sister as well. I don;t now why I'm keeping it a secret from them. They both know me better than anyone else and love and care for me. My brother practically raised me! I feel like they know something though. I do think they know I write songs. I feel like they've both creeped in my journals and know more than I intend for them to know. But somthing keeps me back from telling them anything at all. But the thing that I've come to realize is that if I want any of this I can't do it alone. I need help on vocal training, and I need help on my confidence and I need a little push.
I think that if I want to get out of Chicago and become a singer as badly as I do I need to start opening up to people who really know me and not just random people online (sorry to anyone who's reading this and feels offended). I need people to see that I'm not built to work in an office and that I don;t want to live a normal average life. I want to be ahppy with what I do. I want to sing my own songs and I want to make people smile and make a crowd love me. And I need help to ge there. So I need to open up and at least tell my siblings about this and get their help and just know that I won't be alone in all of this.