A place to vent?

I haven't been on this site in a while due to a lack of internet, and computer. But I recently moved and my neighbors have wifi that I'm kind of borrowing, and I bought a laptop over the summer to help me with school related things. I don't know why I've decided to come on here to get things off my mind, but I don't really feel like I have any where else to go to talk. And I'm not even sure what I should say.

I keep a journal so that I don't have to carry all of my terrible thoughts around with me, but I'm so scared someone is going to read it and I'll be caught. I can't let anything like that happen, especially since I'm 8 and a half months pregnant and I don't want anyone to think I'm incapable of taking care of my unborn child. I don't write about crazy things, but I am depressed, and terribly stressed about everything so most of what I think about is negative. I found out I was pregnant at 8 weeks, but I still haven't found any joy in it.

I'm terrified I will make a terrible mother, I'm still too young for this. But at the same time I feel like I could be an amazing mother, just because I've wanted to give my love and attention to someone for so long and no one has ever really given me the chance. I just don't want to the child to end up like I did-broken and scared of everything. Everyone has told me that I'm strong, but I feel so weak and I can't stand the thought of my baby turning out as sad as I have.

Abortion was never an option, I've always been very against that. I do believe it is a woman's right to choose, I just think that if you made the choice to have sex(so if you didn't make the choice, then I don't disagree with you), you made the choice to possibly get pregnant. So that was out of the question for me. I did have sex, without protection after all. Adoption was an option. I actually thought very hard about it, did a little research and things like that. But I already love him. And the thought of someone else having him, and not being able to protect him, terrified me.

I don't think I can trust anyone after all of the things that I've been through, and there was no way that I could give my baby to a stranger, knowing that sometimes the people you trust the most, are the ones you should be the most careful around. So I'm keeping this baby, he's mine, and I'm his, and I will be here to protect him when it's needed and I will be here to love him, and hug him the way a parent should. I hope I can do this all though. I'm so so scared.

I don't know, this isn't all that's on my mind but I'm feeling a little better just talking about it. It's nice to get some things off my chest. Goodbye for now.