just getting started

Hi. Okay, so this is a new thing for me. I've never legitimately blogged before. I've always wanted to start. I just started college, so I thought, "why not?" Anyway, I'll introduce myself.

If you couldn't tell from my username, my name is Caitie. I'm from a really small town. And when I say small town, I don't mean, "10,000 people" small, I mean, there is literally only one stoplight, one grocery store, one restaurant and only a population of a little over 1,000 people. Literally an "everyone knows everyone" town. Only just two weeks ago, I started my freshman year of college. Exciting, right? I'm not so sure.

Basically, I started this blog to vent my feelings. Of course, I have few friends that I can say these things to but I feel like writing it out will help me feel better.

I'll start by admitting this: I'm having my doubts. Not just about my major (which is Early Childhood Education) but about school in general. There are people who love school and can do well in school and enjoy it. I am not one of those people. Now, don't get me wrong, I love learning! I love gaining knowledge and getting new viewpoints on things, I just don't enjoy school. I don't think I'm cut out for it. I stress too much, have too much anxiety, and give up way too easy. Some people weren't made for school. And that's okay.

There are so many people I wish would get this (i.e. family). All my life I was told, "Go to college, get a good job, have a family." Seems simple right? Probably not.

Now, I feel like I should probably tell you a little more about myself before you start getting the wrong impress of me. I like to be alone. I'm introverted. I hate to talk in public (as do a lot of people), but I feel like it's more than most. Most people who are afraid of speaking in front of a group of people can usually pluck up enough courage to actually do it; I can't. I'll give you an example: I'm in a public speaking class. Our first speech we had to give was basically introducing ourselves to the class in two to three minutes. Mine ended up only being a minute and thirty seconds. I blanked, embarrassingly enough.

School is not a place for someone who can't even speak to people. Being forced to interact is my least favorite part of the school system (among other things). Do you know how much I cried over the fact that I would have to make new friends in the weeks proceeding my entrance into college? Way too much.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with going to college! But only if it's something you really want to do. I mean, if you go and end up changing your major a million times, you're only wasting money. I can feel myself wasting my parent's money as we speak (also that freshman fifteen).

That only makes me feel even worse. I just keep questioning why I didn't just take a year off to evaluate my life and decide what I want to do. And I can't just quit now. Again, wasting money. Also, there's that whole, I don't want to disappoint my parents thing.

I've come to the conclusion that I will stick it out at least a semester and decide from there. The only question is: how will my parents react?