Always Second Best

I am always the fucking Plan B. It really fucking sucks ass.

My week has been a roller coaster of emotion, I can't. It's been so hard with school (which I am having a huge melt down over, it's a bit complicated), and just all of my emotions.

I think I'm insane tbh.

I hate my fucking house, I can't talk to any one in here and my uncle who I really fucking despise is back from the third circle of hell.

It's just really hard because at one point you don't know where you belong, and then when you find that sense of belonging it really makes you fucking happy...and then it's just all gone.

Just like that.

But I can't blame them, I have too many emotions and I'm really scared that if I tell them about these feelings (depression and such), they'll treat me differently or be nicer, in a way that's great, but when it's your best friends, it's kinda weird.

And this guy that I really like, who is like so fucking perfect, but doesn't understand people like me. I don't know how to describe it, but he is not that emotional or sensitive about things, he's nice though, but it's just really hard.

One by one, they are all going. Step by step.

This is why I don't like friendships, they hurt. I always end up caring too much.

Well no more. Best friends, I love you but I'll be a bit distant from now on, I can't do this anymore. Fuck.

LotsaLoveandShitXOXOXO