Getting Real Sick of This...

Okay, I need to rant, and I need to rant now.

So...I just started college. Like, two weeks ago, but still. You know no big deal.

But everyone back home's main concern for me is making friends. And yeah, I haven't made any besides my room mate, but that doesn't fucking matter really, does it?

I'm getting sick of everyone tell me to just go outside, leave my dorm, go to some event, go do this, go do that.

Does no one realize it's not that fucking easy? You don't make friends by walking outside and all the sudden BOOP there's a person waiting to be your friend.

And it sucks even more for me cause I have social anxiety. All these people KNOW I have social anxiety. I can't go to a fucking store without feeling like panicking.

Here's what's it like for me.

I walk in somewhere, alone, with a bunch of people somewhere I automatically feel like people are staring at me, judging me. I can't just not think it, and I don't care usually care what people think of me but when it feels like tens of people are doing it, it gets to you. Okay, so now I'm paranoid of everyone and I feel like my every move is being watched.

Now, I start thinking, oh shit. What if I have a panic attack here? Will anyone know what to do? Will they just stare and think I'm weird? Now I'm freaking out over freaking out.

That's it. That's how I am in public.

And now, I ranted at a friend who for the billionth time gave me the 'advice' to just leave my dorm

And you know what she asked me after that? Am I taking my meds? Do I even HAVE my meds?

YES. I HAVE MY MEDS. BUT THAT'S NOT THE GOD DAMN PROBLEM HERE.

The problem is everyone trying to push me past my fucking comfort zone. It's not like I'm not trying. I'm trying to talk more in my classes, and joined a club and the girls are being really nice to me so far and everything seems to being okay. I'm making progress, slowly but surely, and I like it that way.

Okay, rant done.