Downer - written on phone and cba to edit.

I'm not having the best of days.

On Saturday i went to the doctor and i have anxiety now as well as a little depression. I have to start going to cbt and it couldn't have been at a worse time because I've just started sixth form.

I'm scared of the cbt and I'm just overtired from a slight insomnia due to my anxiety. I'm just ranting on here because i feel alone and have no one to talk to about this sort of thing.

I've been frying for about half an hour now to tonight alive, i picked up a blade for the first time in ages and now i'm not sure if I'll use it. Everytime i do i feel like a failure. My mum quizzes me which stresses me and makes me anxious.

i know i need help but im scared and i cant do this alone. But i have a small friendship circle and none of them have dealt with issues like this before. I have no one to talk to and I've started wearing long sleeves again because i feel insecure.

i want someone to be there and be proud of me for doing this and admitting my problems but i wont ever have anyone like that because i cant talk to new people i cant even make eye contact out of fear of judgement.

i also overheard some guys laughing about me at college the other day. I want to do well for myself i just don't know how with all this pressure, im the first in my family to pass all their gcses and go to college.

i have to do well.

rant over.