A Younger Me

By the time I was seven, my imagination was more than a little wild.

I can't say I had a split personality disorder because I've never gotten tested for it and my symptoms never completely matched, but there were three girls I grew up with. There was Raven, the quiet, studious one who knew how to talk and behave; Jasmine, who wasn't afraid of speaking her mind or getting her hands dirty, and Emily, who was the youngest and most innocent of us all. Accordingly, Raven was the oldest, followed by Jasmine, then me, then Emily.

They were more real than imaginary to me, but I couldn't talk to anyone else about them. It saddened me, but Raven explained that they weren't visible to others. That's why they were with me and could go wherever I did, even if they didn't travel in the same car as me or walk with me to get to different places. Their presence was always calming. They kept me grounded. Because I was the girl who was too quiet, who moved around every year because my single mother couldn't really afford to renew the lease and pay more rent just to stay at the same place.

So, I clung to them.

And by the time I was eleven, the lies were catching up to me. I had basically become a pathological liar because I was so used to lying about what I was thinking about, every time they saw me sitting alone; because hey kept asking me why I always zoned out, why I would rather remove myself from most social situations, and lying was easier than saying my three imaginary friends were better company.

By the time I was eleven, I had met my older brother and sister, whom I'd never met before, because their father took them away. By the time I was eleven, it was no secret that I was a strange child. I would hang out with my pet bird and my two sisters - Raven and Jasmine. Because, by then, my imagination had escalated.

There was magic and deaths. We had trusted the wrong person and lost Emily in the process.

By the time I was eleven, something bad happened to me. And it was the last time I saw anyone from my mother's side of the family.

That's when things started changing, really. That's when Raven and Jasmine struggled to help me the most, because I was slipping away.

And I think that's when it could start being classified as split personality. Because sometimes, it wasn't me who was talking or doing things. It was Raven talking to adults and focusing in my classes. It was Jasmine telling people to back off. But it was the three of us who got angry when someone threatened a person we cared for.

It wasn't just my anger. It was Raven, the calm one who was always calculating risks; it was me, the quiet one no one really looked at, the one who studied people and knew their triggers; and it was Jasmine, who wanted nothing more than to see people in pain.

And the three of us switched in and out randomly from then until last year.

They actually helped me last year.

And, no, they haven't gone away. They're still here.
September 13th, 2013 at 10:41pm