I'm going to do it, Mibba

I'm going to lose weight. I really mean it this time. I'm sick of waking up, looking at myself in the mirror, and saying, "I'm fat and ugly."

I will lose weight and feel confident about myself. Right now I weigh 223 lbs., and I wear a size 15-18 in pants. It depends on the brand. My ultimate goal is to be a size 9. I'm going to take this in strides, and work on losing 20 lbs. at a time, because that sounds reasonable to me. My boyfriend was talking about signing up for a gym membership, and he said that if I commit to it with him, he will pay for mine, so I automatically said yes! Not because it's going to be paid for though that is a huge plus because I'm broke, but because I will finally have a partner to work out with! If we do the gym thing, then I will mostly use the treadmill to shed weight, then do at home workouts to make my booty nicer (because we all love big bootys!). When I'm comfortable enough, I'll do strength training at the gym. If we don't end up getting gym memberships, then I'll jog around my neighborhood. I plan on exercising between 1-2 hours each time. I know at first I won't be able to do that consecutively, and I'll have to take tons of breaks, but I want to at least spend that long working out.

I plan on also cutting back on the sweet tea that I drink, because I guzzle that stuff down like it's water. We have green tea packets, so I plan on making pitchers of that and adding raw honey and lemon to it. I'm going to try not to eat out as often, too. My boyfriend and I go out to eat every Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. That's a lot. I'm going to try to limit it to just Tuesdays, and then make home-cooked meals the other nights.

A really big thing about my diet that's going to have to change is my portions. When I eat, I eat very large portions, and sometimes I go back for seconds. I also eat out of boredom and depression, so I'm going to have to stay on top of that.

I'm so tired of feeling to horrible about myself. I want to wear those really adorable dresses and skirts, and I want to look sexy in skinny jeans. I want to look sexy in the g-strings that I wear, dammit.

Basically, I wanna be able to look at myself naked and say, "Damn! I look good!" It sounds horribly conceited and cocky, but that's what I want. I want to feel confident in my own skin, you guys. I want to be able to wear a bikini when I go swimming; I want to be able to wear those tight mini-skirts and look sexy, not like some bloated whale whose stomach fat is hanging over. I want to feel beautiful.

Also, I have a question for some of you. This is a topic that I'm very sensitive about. I have a hormone imbalance (PCOS), and it has lead to me having some very embarrassing hair growth on the side of my face. Like, around where men would get sideburns. I don't have the money to buy a waxing or bleaching kit, so do any of you know of home remedies? I don't care if it removes the hair or lightens it, I just want it to stop being noticeable. Obviously I'm not going to shave it, so please don't suggest that, lol. I'm already taking birth control for it, and it's helped a lot with the growth and my acne. So if you guys have any suggestions, please help a sista out! Like I said, this is something that I'm seriously sensitive about, and I try my hardest to hide it by never, ever wearing my hair in a ponytail when I'm in public or around people in general.

Uhhh, this was really long. I'm sorry! If there are any of you who want to lose weight, let's do it together! I'll do like, weekly blog posts or something!