Like a Phoenix

It's me again. So I'm twenty-one years old right now, and I've been living with my fiance and his family for about three months now. I've been thinking about it, and this was the absolute best thing for me to do. I'm so very happy I moved here the way I did. I'm glad I live with such a loving family. There's only good happening since I moved here, although it doesn't all seem good it is. I have to see it all as good because the total honest truth is everything that happened to me once I moved is good, great, fantastic.
Okay, so I didn't grow up with a rainbow and sunshine life, not that many have grown up with that. But I kind of like that people actually thought I had that because to me that meant I was hiding my pain perfectly. At nine years old, the most amazing child was born and introduced to me. He's my little brother, Gazzy (not his real name, but he'll appreciate I called him that). I loved him instantly and felt an overwhelming need to protect this kid from everything I possibly could, not that many knew that. At the age eleven, our mother started dating a monster, a horrible man who took all of her attention away from her kids. I was the oldest, so I had to keep my little sister and Gazzy safe. I made sure they ate, even though I had no ability to cook. I made sure I chased away their nightmares. Then it happened. When I was twelve I was introduced to the monster's children. They were so cool, but I had the burden of telling them our parents were together because the parents weren't going to grow up and tell them. His little girl, let's call her Nudge, cried on my shoulder for hours the first night. I felt absolutely horrid, but telling her was the right thing to do. I held her and calmed her down enough to sleep. Then just like that I was responsible for two more kids... While I was a kid. And after that my mother ripped me and my siblings away from our home and lives to chase the monster. And she made us move on my thirteenth birthday. But on our ride out there I realized something that shattered my heart... She didn't care about me and my siblings any longer... I couldn't believe it, but the reality is it was true. Throughout my thirteenth year I did everything I could to protect those kids, but it wore me down, and halfway through that year when the monster pointed a gun at my face I came to realize I wanted more than anything to die. But I would never NEVER take myself away from the kids who absolutely NEEDED me to look out for them.
But as much as I wanted to protect them I'm no use to anyone dead... So I moved to my father's. He helped me become more mature and focus on me a little more. But his wife and kids ripped me to shreds, not that I'd show ANYONE that. I continued to want to die because it felt like everyone was against me and no matter what I did I was failing.
Then at seventeen, my whole world shattered and my father was taken from me by a heart attack... But I can't break... I have to show I can survive anything... So I finished high school, and moved back to my mother's and she told me to forget my father... But... HOW THE HELL COULD I DO THAT?! MY FATHER LOVED ME UNCONDITIONALLY! HE RAISED ME EVEN WHEN I WAS WAY TOO FAR AWAY!!! HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ME!!! HE WAS THE GREATEST MAN I EVER HAD THE... the pleasure of meeting, much less being related to... She ripped me down... Dismissed all my amazing accomplishments... My greatest accomplishments... She never told anyone how great I was doing in life considering all I'd been through... Then I had my last straw as she made a snide comment to my sister about me. I wanted to die even more and I hatched a plan... Thanks to Gazzy for coming home early and being in the next room giggling I was able to snap out of it in time. I called for help, got help then I was kicked to my grandmother's (Mom's mom)... Things didn't go much better there... Then I was given the opportunity to move in with Soul and his family. I jumped at the chance.
So why am I bearing my soul like this... Well, it's because ever since I got to Soul's house the thoughts of just wanting to die disappeared... The love I received from Soul, his mother, his father, his younger brothers, his older sister made my heart swell, and the horrible thoughts vanish... So I feel like a phoenix reborn in the ashes, and I want to thank Soul and his family for saving me from myself like that, even if they don't know what they have done for me. So thank you for it. I wish I could do as much for them as they've done for me.
September 22nd, 2013 at 07:40pm