I make too many apology blogs

Obviously I haven't updated. I did write something, something just to clear my head, ya know? I've been circling with these bad thoughts in my head and I'm trying to write them out and my hands decide not to work. I have more things to write out, but I can't?

I can't and they're still there and the thought of even trying to update Childish or anything really makes me sad. I have so much to do with Ryan and Belle and I feel bad because I can't bring myself to write them and it's been a month.

Olorde made it out, and I even have something else half written -half of my thoughts our for that- and maybe I just need to purge these demented things into words, force myself to do it.

Updates whenever I can. Probably never with this rate. I just feel bad, minus these sick words, and I don't want to try and fail at update cause it'd be worse.

I'll try, maybe

( in the midst of all the madness I am working on something nice and new to keep me straight)