I'm depressed. While writing normally gives me a lot of joy, I can't find the happiness in it anymore. I've been sitting at my computer, staring at a blank document, wanting to update all my stories but I find it very hard. I'll write a sentence and be like, "I'm over this" and stop. Maybe it's just writer's block, but I just find myself unable to put anything down.
I'm also depressed because of my situation here (in Honduras). I've come to terms that I'll have to return home in December due to fiscal (aka I'm broke as fuck) issues, but ever since then I've lost a lot of my drive. I know that's terrible because I'm a teacher and I absolutely adore each and every one of my kids, but it's really difficult for me to even want to get out of bed.
Not to mention, my school is very unorganized. It's the school's first year and I understand that there are a lot of things that should have been thought of (not to mention in advance), but they haven't happened. We are in our second month of school and STILL some of my students don't have textbooks. I understand that it's a low-income country, but seriously, books? Why wouldn't they be at the top of our priority list?
I also don't think they understand that I am a volunteer. I am not getting paid for this. Yes, I'm getting free housing and transportation, but other than that, I'm not getting much. So imagine my surprise when I'm told this morning that our first grade teacher is going on vacation to Utah next week, and GUESS WHO GETS TO TAKE OVER HER CLASS FOR TWO WEEKS.
I'm not a licensed teacher. The only experience teaching I have is English tutoring during university. That's all. So the thought of me taking over a first grade class by myself is a little intimidating. Not to mention the teacher there right now is pretty much already in vacation mode, so it's basically up to me to figure out where she is lesson-wise and teach based on that.
So the combination of being depressed and super stressed out from school is not really helping me update any of my stories. I'm going to TRY and update, but it'll be hard and very slow. [Insert "That's What She Said" joke].
I'm also trying to apply for jobs and update my resume for when I get back, but AGAIN, writing is hard. I can barely put into words what I do. I'm like, "Uhhhh, I teach phonics, English, and reading. I also play with the kids and do other menial shit." LIKE WHAT DO I PUT? If you all have any suggestions, I'm all ears.
But for now, this is exactly how I feel:
All I want to do is watch Netflix and drink wine.
I feel like a lot of my stories also haven't gotten a lot of comments/feedback lately. I don't know why. Maybe they suck or maybe I'm just being delusional. I'm not trying to whore out my stories, but come on--only 2 comments for a 2k chapter? And they're both, "OMG UPDATE" or "THIS IS SO GOOD" and I'm like, "YEAH, THANK YOU BUT WHAT DID YOU LIKE ABOUT THE CHAPTER?!" I feel like I'm begging for it and I really don't want to. -___-
So yes. I might take a little hiatus. It won't be long-- a few days at most. I just have to get my shit together.