All I hear is blah blah blah

I'm pissed off today.

My manager at work is a douchebag. That basically sums up how my day has been. My manager has just been a royal dick, all without directly speaking to me. Wonderfuckingful.

But it's not only that. I go home, because I don't want to deal with my manager and now I have to deal with my mom that is bitching. Always she is going through worse than me. Always her life is worse than me. It almost feels as if she is trying to one up me, but I know thats probably bullshit. I guess it's just how I feel plus with the way her tone of voice is. She keeps talking to me in that snide voice. Like that feel sorry for me voice. Ugh! that is the most annoying voice that I have ever heard. It's always like,

"Fine, I'll do all this."

"It's only ever me that does anything around here anyway. It's okay."

"The house needs cleaned, I might as well do it since no one else wants too."

I just cleaned the crap out of the house a few days ago. I cooked dinner plus god knows how much else. I get that she is stressed and has high blood pressure. But seriously, she needs to just stop and breath. That's what I learned how to do in therapy. Then again the medicine I got on also helps with thinking too much. Who knew that was a symptom of depression.

I guess right now I'm venting. Because I'm so god damn frustrated with everything. My mom and dad are maybe (who freaking knows anymore) going through a divorce. She always yells at him saying she wants a divorce. But then she normally doesnt go through with it. She doesnt have the money. My dad is a user. So yeah I understand the whole I want to get divorced thing. But what annoys me to no living end is the fact that she keeps saying it and saying it but never actually acts on it. They don't really fight. Shes just angry at him, tells him hes a selfish bastard. Then lies about things to make him feel gulty.

I'm not therepist. But I think all this is unhealthy. i think they need to go to counseling. Because I am just so sick of all this crap. Its basically a 6 mo-1 yr basis she does this. I'm almost tempted to have her and my dad go with me to my therapy and see what my therapist has to say about all these things.

Maybe that will fix everything. I just want my life to be calmer and not insane because my mom is all over the place with her emotions. Im pretty sure that she is going through menopause, but still get on some hormones! Or go through and get the surgery and then get on hormones. Something needs to happen, and soon. I hate living here dealing with all these emotional mood swings. Ive dealt with my own all my life so I would rather not keep dealing with them, especially since mine have all but went away.

Ugh! It's like just because I come home and eat and sit down and play a game that I do nothing around this house. So I get on my computer? Sheesh. I've only been home for like an hour. I will get up and do things. I hate being guilt tripped into things, it makes me just want to say fuck you and walk straight into my room and lay down and go to sleep.

I think I will stop now.

I'm going to go clean or cook something so I can calm down. Times like these I wish I had a boyfriend, but hah Id prolly get rid of them afterwards.

xoxo-Cassandra