So much

I posted a poem the other night and I realized how little I use this website anymore. I'd appreciate feedback if anyone likes short poems about boys.

specifically, about my boy, i guess. the poem's description is "on mornings and nights with Boy." I love him. and he loves me.

that's something that's happened in my life. There's been so much, actually. A lot of the people I used to talk to on this website don't use it anymore, which makes sense. I made this account when I was twelve and now I'm seventeen (and a half). that's something that scares me as well. I feel old. I know I'm not, but, I feel that way. and I've got to apply for colleges and figure out what I want to do and it's scary. the two loves I have are music and writing and I don't want to do anything else with my life but neither or those are stable career options and are they even worth the money that college costs? I don't technically need a degree for either, but it's just so hard to make it. but then again, it is hard to make it with or without one in the fields i enjoy.

I feel so anxious and panicked when adults ask me what do I want to be when I grow up? what do I want to study/major in? where do I want to apply? have I applied?

It sucks that we live in a society that makes me feel like shit for saying I want to be a singer or a writer because society has taught people to pull that one face once I say it, that one that's like "oh, poor girl, she thinks she can do that" and then they reply with this pitiful tone like I'm some kicked dog like "wow, good for you, that's nice." It sucks that I feel like I can't tell people, that I often just say "I don't know" which isn't much better but then I don't have to feel bad about not wanting to practice law or medicine or study biochemistry or something.

I'm really stressing about it. and the upcoming musical, and my classes (I took a difficult senior year) and just life in general. I feel like there really isn't enough time left to do everything I need to do. I need to breathe.

I don't know if I can do it. how does anyone manage?
October 12th, 2013 at 12:08am