I want to die. But at the same time I don't.
I'm not actually going to try and commit suicide tonight but I actually want to die. It's been this way for a while now. It doesn't usually get this bad. I seriously think I'm emotionally unstable. I shouldn't have be feeling like this when I have a loving whole family, a good school, friends and so much to live for. But for months I've never been particuarly...I don't know how to describe it.
I'm too scared to die. Because I'm scared of leaving what I have and I'm scared of causing my loved ones pain.
But I'm also terrified of living. Of the future. I hate this feeling. Especially because I'm worried that one day I'll just snap and kill myself on impulse. Which isn't what i should do.
I want to fall in love again. finish my childhood. get married. be there on my kids first day of school.
But despite all that 'm scared of living.
I won't kill myself. But that only shows that I'm the least brave person in the world.
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