Ex-boyfriends, Falling in Love, and Wanting More

The hardest thing about having an ex is telling yourself you’re over that person and then having to be honest with yourself. You’re not over him or her, until you find someone who makes you want to move on. Once you find that person, you’re ready to fall, enjoy the ride, and take in all the perks of dating or having a significant other. But it takes time to find that person and the journey isn’t easy.

It took me until July to be able to move on and be in a relationship. The breakup killed me, as much as I’d like to deny it and hate on my ex for his reasoning behind ending it. Yes, I do think of all my exes as idiotic or whatever, as usual with an ex, but there are two who stand out as people I would take back. I know taking back an ex is never right, but given the right circumstances I would.

One ex was practically my soul mate. I know it sounds cliché to say I found my soul mate in high school, but I believe it. We were so similar but yet so different that it worked. We fit together and we just understood each other, more than anyone else ever had. Somehow, we helped each other to heal and get past depression or any hardships. We were best friends and a couple too. I long for the day I can find that again, that connection again.

The other ex, treated me really well and there was some kind of excitement attached to the relationship. It’s like an adrenaline rush would flow through my body whenever we kissed. It was simple, the most simplistic relationship I’ve ever had. He made me feel beautiful and even sexy, but I knew he wanted to show me off to the world. He introduced me to his friends with pride and not shame. We didn’t connect much, as far as conversation or interest, but I was okay with that. I see him several times a day, more than before we went out. In a way, I’m frustrated with how we ended things. But in another, I can’t believe he was mine and I’d be okay with trying at being friends.

Being friends with an ex honestly isn’t possible, unless long periods of time have passed. All I want is to move on, almost unexpectedly, and realize what I was missing the whole time. A relationship is a want and not a need. I don’t need anyone to make me feel beautiful, complete, or sure of myself. I just want to experience everything that comes with a relationship, falling in love, and going on dates.