My Music Is My Salvation

You see hear me singing along with Hollywood Undead? You think they're trashy and worthless pieces of shit with no talent? Cool. Good for you. You see me dancing to Korn? You think they're whiny and can't sing for shit? Awesome. Thanks for your input. You hear me blasting Five Finger Death Punch? You think they're just people who make loud noises rather than actually making music? Woah, guess who doesn't give a flying fuck? Me! Crazy, I know.

Now, I'm not talking about any specific person when I write this. Because, frankly, there are too many people who tell me my music is shit. Well I beg to differ. I honestly am not a big fan of country music or dubstep or rap. I really like music with meaningful lyrics that don't include "poppin' dat pussy" or "eatin' momma's apple pie on a hot summer day" or cars crashing into each other. I listen to some rap, but not often. Rap isn't terrible, no, I'm just not a huge fan. I understand that HU raps, but I like the way they mix it up with the vocals and style of their songs. A lot of rappers like Drake or Nicki Minaj make songs that sound the same to me. I'm not a huge fan of them. Same with dubstep. Country? I just hate it. Sorry.

I'm not trying to diss anyone with those music preferences. That's not the goal, here. Hollywood Undead has a lot of party songs about having sex and drinking and smoking weed. Those are fun songs and a lot of rap music includes that. But HU also has a lot of meaningful songs that have kept me from doing stupid shit to myself. The songs "Pain", "The Loss", "Paradise Lost", "Bullet", "Pour Me", "The Diary", etc. have all helped me through shitty situations. I was actually planning on ending my life while listening to Paradise Lost. I changed my mind after thinking "I would never hear that song again. I would never get to see them live or meet them. I would never get to go to the UK and own a cupcake shop with Richi like we planned. I would never be able to walk down the isle at my wedding. I would never be in the unbearable pain of pushing another human being between my legs and then smelling the new baby's smell as it was put in my arms. I would never smell my car as I turned it on after it sat in the sun all day. I would never be wrapped up in warm sheets after they're fresh out of the dryer. I would never paint my nails for a dance. I would never doodle and scribble on my homework as I stalled myself. I would never open my eyes and see my husband sleeping next to me. I would never go to another hockey game or costume party. I would never do anything ever again." I knew there were things I had to keep living for. My uncle, whom I was very close to, shot himself the other day because he had a severe case of bipolar disease. After seeing my family crumble....I knew I couldn't kill myself.

It's not like I haven't tried or anything. Because I have before. I stopped myself from taking anymore pills and called Richi immediately. I listened to music to help me out my rut. I was depressed. I began turning my music up louder and louder as people continued to talk to me. I drowned people out and kept everyone on edge. I cry every time I hear The Loss. That song is very easy to relate to.

Five Finger Death Punch has helped me turn my depression into pure anger. They have helped me get over depression immensely. Anger isn't much better, but I'm not suicidal when I'm pissed as shit. I just smash things. Korn has helped turned anger into peace with the world. Not sure how, but they have. I have other bands that have helped a lot through depressing times. HU has saved my life, I believe. Them and other things I have mentioned. So when people say my music is shit, I think "Without them, I'd be dead."

And if loud, angry metal crashing together helps you calm down, then good for you. In all honesty, I listen to dubstep when I'm raging mad. It's loud and sounds angry. It just helps! Rap is fun sing along with because you don't even have to be a good singer to rap! You can just talk and it's so fun when you learn a fast rap. Country, though...still don't like it. But the songs are mostly happy, and I respect that. Country music is very happy and upbeat. Even if the lyrics are about death, the beat is happy. Happiness is something that everyone deserves. If listening to music makes you happy, then forget what people say and turn your music up louder. Don't hate on other people and their music preference. They're music may have kept them from pulling the trigger or kept them from finishing the bottle of pills in their drawer. Music is music and music is my salvation.