I JUST WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING?

MIBBA, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. I MEAN OTHER THAN THE OBVIOUS THINGS. THIS THING IS DIFFERENT. THIS THING CONCERNS WRITING.

MOSTLY I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE?

Like I don't know I feel sort of sad to think that I haven't actually fully engrossed myself in a story in years- years- like jesus christ the last time I finished a legitemate full length story I was like fucking fourteen or something.

I AM EIGHTEEN.

I AM A FULL FLEDGED ADULT NOW.

I SHOULD BE DOING ADULT THINGS. LIKE WRITING. AND TALKING ABOUT TAXES. BUT MOSTLY WRITING.

And I just feel like I've wasted so much time, I used to love love writing and I think I still do, I just haven't done it in so long. Like I really just want to finish a damn novel mostly just so I can say that I can. It doesn't even have to be that good. I just want to NOT FULLY FAIL AT SOMETHING.

THIS IS A NEW CONCEPT IN THE LIFE OF GABBY.

And it's not like I don't have ideas I have tons I just... I don't write anymore. I just fuck around if I'm ever near a computer now and now I'm just sort of sad thinking about it like ugh writing used to be my thing. I used to love knowing that I had my own thing that I was marginally okay at now I have nothing other than knowing I'm a Pokemon master.

BUT I WANT TO BE A POKEMON MASTER AND A WRITER.

I WANT IT ALL.

And I want to try (read: probably fail) NaNo because I have this weird fucking urge to write and I just want something to sort of push me. I want to pump out words and finish something. Like so badly. Just so I can.

But I also am pretty sure I'm gonna fail so hard.

IT'S LIKE I'M IN THIS PASSIONATE LOVE AFFAIR WITH WRITING EXCEPT WRITING ACTUALLY HATES ME AND I JUST BREATHE HEAVILY ON WRITING'S WINDOWS AT NIGHT TIME WITH CRAZY EYES WATCHING AS IT PEACEFULLY SLEEPS.

THAT IS HOW I FEEL.

In other news, I have that song stuck in my head that's like rum and reeeeeeeeeeeedbull something something it's hella catchy.

Also, cute engineer boy is still hella cute and still a hella good kisser and cuddler and I hope I never end up running into his roommates because I was also hella not quiet yesterday.

writing please love me back
i'm sorry
baby come back you can blame it all on me