Something That's Been Bothering Me

So recently I started my CNA training. This basically means that every morning I have to be at the nursing home at 7:30 every morning. I feed them, take them to their room or the TV room, bathe them (I'm not even fucking kidding), etc, etc. so I can get my license as a trained nursing assistant. The job is horrifically dirty and not for the faint of heart, which I kind of am, but it's strangely rewarding. But there's something that's really bothering me. Half of the staff there hates the job and seem to forget that the residents there are actual people with real feelings. And that's really fucking disappointing because they tend to take out their anger on the residents. Trust me, none of the people there want to be there and they CERTAINLY wouldn't be there of their own free will if they knew that they would be put down and degraded like that.

This pisses me off to no end because I know every single one of the employees there would lose their shit if they found out that THEIR loved ones was being treated so horribly. Yet... they do it to others. I don't get it. What happened to this society. Where's the fucking compassion?

In the short time I have been there, there has been three deaths. Three. Now I'll admit that I didn't know any of those people personally but I was there to see one happen. Up close and personal. Now I knew coming that the lady wasn't going to last long. When I got there, the CNA that was training and supervising me told me what was happening and that her fingers were turning blue. I panicked. Who wouldn't? I fucking selfishly thought to myself "Dear God, don't let her die while I'm here". She was clearly in pain and aspirating. She didn't go peacefully in her sleep. And when they gave us the word that she was gone I got upset and I didn't even know the lady from Adam. But what really got me and disturbed me was how the employees was talking about how they were "glad to be rid of her" and "she was a bitch". Her fucking FAMILY were fucking there and thank the heavens that they didn't hear.

I have never in my life have been so ashamed of humanity. Ever. I had left that place thinking that I was the only person there with a heart. And what kills me the most is that my fellow trainees have adopted the same mentality. It's fucking disturbing and it scares me to death. I know one day, if the stars above allow it, I will get old. And if there's ever in the off chance that I'll be put in a nursing home, I'll be treated in the same manner. That's terrifying. And I can only imagine how professional and compassionate the future generations of nurses will be.