can someone help me out?

so in one of my stories, one of the main characters is gay, but has not yet come out--not even to himself. him finally admitting to himself that he's gay is a big story arc, but i'm having a little trouble with this.

i've written scenes where a character comes out to friends and/or family, and i find them pretty easy to write and get inside the character's head because i've seen a lot of my gay/bisexual friends go through this. but i've never written a piece where the character hasn't even admitted to himself that he's gay, and i don't have the nerve to ask any of my friends what that was like.

so basically, can anyone (preferably someone who is gay/bisexual, but i'm also open to second-hand experiences) tell me what it was like when you realized you were gay, and what it was like admitting it to yourself?

a little background on the character: at this point in the story, he's fifteen. he comes from a highly religious, somewhat strict household. he has no problem with gay people (his best friend is gay), but the thought of himself being gay kind of horrifies him and he is in pretty bad denial of the fact, even though it's pretty obvious that he is (he's had several sexual encounters with said best friend). finally admitting to himself that he's gay is going to be a very painful experience for him.

i know i won't find anyone who matches that description to a T, but if anyone who's had even a remotely similar experience could share it with me, i'd greatly appreciate it. because it is such a drastic turn-around, i want his transition from "there's no fucking way i'm gay" to "yeah, i am gay" to be natural and gradual, not some forced, overnight transformation. in fact, even after he admits it, he still won't fully accept it for a long time.

you can respond in the comments, or, because i know this is a very personal experience, feel free to PM me as well. i may ask a couple follow-up questions too, if that's okay.

thanks so much, guys. this is really going to help me a lot. :)
October 31st, 2013 at 01:18pm