Me And strength

Going back and forth between my brain which is always thinking, not in this world and not present in the present time where İ'm standing. The confusion, the stress and the anger; All building up with every breath İ keep back, even though İ know it's nothing but self-harm.

My brain is always in a state of thinking, in a time and world completely detached from the outside world; İ try to explain this situation with the fact that İ'm always under the water within me ; İn addition because of this situation the time doesn't pass inside my head and the reason is because of trying to look for a solution to all my problem. My questions and the pain İ hold inside me. Yet the hilarious part is, the more İ think, the more İ come across dead ends and the deeper İ fall into my black hole!

Consequently, there are two voices somewhere inside me, the type that are controlling me; Supposingly helping me decide what to do, but still leaving me neutral, stuck... Every time İ can't get to a solution on what to do, the voices in my head and heart start screaming ''Do it! nothing can stop you from your free will!'' but, no İ can't; İ have a reputation, a reputation that İ can't black out by expressing or confronting myself. However, on the other hand, doing this nonsense just makes me ask myself ''do people around me feel the same, or is it just me? Do they do what İ'm doing?!'' The pain which is triggered by these feelings, it's like all the energy is being sucked out of me pulling the patience İ have inside me as well!

However much my inside is crying blood and having an unending war, İ still keep a hold on myself, keeping serene, knowing that victory will be mine some day and the bad will find it's place in this world and the right will live in peace untouched. Not know when real happiness will find me and free me of the stress and confusion, so then İ hold a force against my heart and tell it,'' Hold on there! Don't let go just yet and keep control of yourself,'' İ know how much more İ'm causing harm to myself doing this. However, there was always one thing İ told myself and that was to keep the peace and patience within me because İ know that the sun will brighten up and push away the dark clouds; Even if it takes years for the sun to come it will come at the end, and due to this fact İ always keep a small percentage of hope, trying to make that percentage increase so İ could be stronger to the point where İ will think of nothing but myself.

To sum it all up, İ always advice everyone İ love to be strong, because even the smallest of strengths will hold you on your feet. İ know what my end will be like because İ have faith and İ believe in it: ''Happiness.'' God is always in our hearts assuring us that no harm will come to us unless he allows it! İ always wished that İ wasn't İ'm now, instead İ would have wanted to confront my rights like everyone else, not a weakling who always keeps quiet. But in the end life is about fighting and keeping faith, patience and strength in our hearts.