Ever Have So-Called Friends That Don't Hang Out with You, or Call, or Text?

I am generally a nice person, unless you mess with my friends/family then you're going to deal with me being all up in your face slandering your good name, if you had one in the first place. I can be rough around the edges because I have both anxiety and panic attacks, I still go to a psychiatrist for these. For the most part I'm dealing with them but a lot of the times there are days where getting dressed to go out is a lot to struggle with, most of the time I end up crying. It's not easy to find a moment to cry now since I have to get my son ready to go out as well, and it's hard for me to remember to pack for myself as well as him.

I am coping a little better since I was junior year of high school (five years ago) because some of my friends understand why I will sometimes cancel on our plans. Other times my other not-so-good friends do get pissed off with my canceling plans, I generally get so distraught and upset with myself for canceling because all I want to do is go out and have fun like anybody else. When I do manage to go out, I don't know how to act. A lot of people might find me annoying because all I want to do is jump around, shout at the top of my lungs and do the craziest things I can think of. I feel because of that I'm not normal.

Now, since I've had my son, being cooped up in the house is the last thing I want to do. I want to go out more (not partying/drinking) and experience these things with all of my friends. I only have one friend now, besides my family, and she has been a great support for me. She understands that I cannot go out everyday, all day, and for all hours of the day.

Only recently, I found out that one of my other friends has changed his number and I truly thought that we were good friends, I haven't done anything to make him think otherwise. I found out he had changed his number three days after he had messaged all his family/friends his numbers but I didn't get a message, now that peeves me off. All these people who I thought were my friends have stopped messaging me, talking to me, inviting me out. None of them seem to understand that just because I have a son, it doesn't mean I'm bound to the inside of the house. I know I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks but with your help and support, I can overcome them eventually.

I still message people who I think are still my friends but now I have half a mind to send a message asking if we're still friends if I don't get a response, I will delete their numbers and forget about them because I'm in that kind of a mood. I believe that you should treat people the way you want to be treated, so if you're going to be a jackass and not send me your new number, I'm going to be a jackass. I'm just one of those people who keep friends for life, I don't keep acquaintances, or could-be friends.

I'm someone who tells you cold hard facts, if I don't like your hair that day, I will gladly tell you, and I expect the same treatment. I may feel a little hurt by it at first but I will always respect that you told me the truth. I do not sugarcoat anything just to make myself some sort of security blanket for you because some boy won't notice you wore orange lipstick instead of your usual rosy-pink colour.

Be the person you are and I will respect that more than the person you think I will like!
Be proud of you who are and I will like you more than the person who wants be loved!
Stand up and be proud you wore maroon with green to stand out above everyone else!
Love yourself and I will love you!

I do not want to be friends with someone who hates themselves beyond repair because they want people to love them, I am not that person because I will tell you straight up that you're attention-seeking. If you come to me for advice, always expect the truth because I will not sugarcoat the fact that, yes, that orange lipstick you wore makes your skin paler than vampires! I will tell you that boy isn't looking at you because he doesn't like that you're always looking at him! I am proud of who I am, and so should you!