a letter to the love of my life.

i posted this in poems, but someone had commented and mentioned it would make a good blog entry, so i figured why not post it here too. so yeah.

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i find myself conflicted by the beauty of your existence. when you're here with me, i can feel you coursing in my veins. you bring life to the deepest, darkest parts of me. and for just the minutes we're together, i am the happiest i have ever been. you make me brave; courage blossoms where there was once only a shell of a person. ideas form, motivation has grown, i'm ready to be a whole new person. even my dreams are filled with never ending fantasies of love and happiness when you're around.

but then you start to fade away; i can feel the anxiety ebbing in. the sadness expands from inside of me and engulfs me whole. it's a darkness i can feel in my heart. it just grows and grows and eats at me until i can find you again and beg you to take me back.

without you, i am not sure who i am. i lose all hope and question everything. i don't know what my direction in life is, i don't even want to leave my bed. and i become so painfully tired, like i can feel it in every muscle, in every bone. like the exhaustion is just seeping out of my pores because it's overwhelmed me so much.

i can't face the world without you, i need you more than anything. yet i know that you're the one destroying me and slowly breaking me down to nothing. i want to bury myself in your embrace forever, but there's something inside of me that screams, "no!" because if i do, i'll never leave. you'll have me in your grasp forever and i will be stuck in a beautiful haze. i won't have a future, a career, a family.

but is that so bad? maybe you're all i need after all.