Relief.

For the last couple of weeks I have been so anxious and on edge about everything. For the longest time I did not know what I wanted to do with my life, well, technically I suppose I did, but that's only because my parents were forcing me to go into something that I had no interest in. For the first time I've put my foot down, and I've finally decided that I'm not going to let them dictate my life, and I'm going to do something that I will actually enjoy. I've talked to the advisors at my school, and everything is finally cleared up, and now I don't dread going to college as much as I did before, because now I actually look forward to something.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that that has all been cleared up. However, now I feel slightly frightened with how my parents are handling all of this. They've remained quite silent about it all, but I feel like they are going to snap at some point. My parent's are not the type to understand these things. In their minds they do the things they do because they think they are benefitting me, and I can understand that, but I don't want to be unhappy the rest of my life because I went into something they forced me into.

My parents never understanding anything. They think as long as I have a roof over my head, that I can't be unhappy. My parents are always the first to remind me that I have such an easy life and that nothing can possibly go wrong. I get it, they didn't have a great childhood. My parents, as well as my siblings and I were all born in Italy, and my parents did not have an easy childhood. They had to take care of their own siblings, and do chores instead of going to school to further their education, and were raised in ridiculously strict households. I know that, and I know the reason why we left Italy was so that my siblings and I could move away from that, and have better opportunities. I'm aware of all this, and I am extremely grateful, and I could never thank them enough for the life they've given me. Knowing all of this, this is why I never press the issue about myself with them, and I leave it alone. I'm lucky to have the parents I have, despite their old fashioned mentality, but I love them regardless.

Anywho, enough about that somewhat depressing stuff. I'm kind of having trouble with putting together the first chapters of two of my new stories, GAH. The frustrations! I'm trying to make sure they are absolutely perfect, but I know that'll never happen, because whenever I post something I always feel I could have done something differently or added something in, or wished I hadn't added something in. I guess I'll just try to take my time and not rush into posting anything until I feel good about it.

This felt great to get out of my system. Sorry if it was annoying.



Buona sera,
Baci e Abbraci,
Bianca.