As everyone knows by now, I've suffered from self harm for two years now. I recovered just a little over three months ago, but I've noticed a few things since I've pulled my head out of that horrid mess.
First of all, some people are absolutely sick. Some harm just for sympathy and the attention. If you ever feel like you're not getting enough attention from peers, family, etc, don't ever, ever turn to harming. It just leaves scars and think about this, do you want your kids to look at your wrists one day and think that it's cool to just hurt yourself? You didn't get them from battling something awesome. You got them because you just wanted attention. The fad of it nowadays just makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. I went through a two year struggle and to this day, I'm afraid that I will relapse and hurt myself again.
Second, it is a addiction, treat it like one. I have heard it so many times from my sister's friends. "I'm gonna go cut myself because you make me feel sad." "I'm so emo XD" "I'm such an outcast that I do this to make myself look cool." No. Just... no. Due to the fact that my sister saw what I went through, she actually tells them not to talk like that. It is an addiction, like drugs, alcohol, even pills. Once you make the first tiny mark, you basically crave more. Acting like you're going to do it is not cool. It makes you just look like a asshole.
Third, it isn't a phase like they say. My self harm was brought on by panic disorder, anxiety, and depression. Since I am a teenager and I didn't know how to deal with my feelings, I turned to that for my comfort. I regret my decision because it would have been better if I had just talked to someone and tried to figure out everything. I'm medicated now just to feel better. As horrible as it sounds, it's true. Medicine is the best option for that.
Finally, ask someone. If you know someone who is open to talking about their struggle, recovered or in recovery, talk to them. They'll tell you how hard it is. You go through withdrawals like a drug addict in rehab. You basically want to tear your hair out, scream, cry, and do whatever you can to get rid of the feeling. It's horrible. It's hell. Just ask me. I'll tell you.
For those who struggle: You are not alone. I am here for you, I promise. Send me a message, contact me through tumblr, do something. I want to help. Hell, I'll even give you my cell phone number if you'd prefer that. You don't have to go through it alone. If you don't want to talk to me, find someone. A friend, a parent, an adult, a teacher, someone. They'll get you the help that you need so that you don't have to suffer alone. Don't be scared. I was terrified of therapy, but after I went the first time, my nerves were calm and collected. I felt better. If you need medicine, take it. It's for the better. It took me a couple of weeks with my Celexa, but asking my stepmother now, she's says that I'm much brighter than before. I smile, I laugh, I feel better about myself. It's worth it. I promise.
Thank you all for reading and I have you have a good day.
-Kayla VI
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