Holiday Time Means Depression

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Thanksgiving. I wish my holidays were filled with laughter and family but that all stopped about 9 years ago when my mom died. We tried to make it continue for dad but it wasn't the same. My dad died 8 years ago and the family doesn't even get together anymore. I find it harder and harder to stay happy and be in the holiday mood but I've come to the conclusion that there is no point in pretending or even hoping for a good holiday season. My last really amazing holiday season was 2003 until New Years Eve. My mom's health got worse and I knew it was the beginning of the end. Less than three months later my mom was gone and my dad's health was even worse.

This year has been no different except for the entire year has been horrible. My biological mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast and bone cancer, we lost our home, found out her cancer isn't curable and I feel helpless because I leave over six hours away from her. I can't help her and since we moved into the new place and my husband lost his job we can't even celebrate any of the holidays at this point.

I know most will say be happy that I still have family around but this has been the worst year for depression and I can't shake it this time. I don't even see the point in any of the holidays anymore and I don't look forward to anything that happens during them. I just keep saying that something has to give but I'm not sure what.

Sorry if this is depressing for anyone out there. I just needed to vent and put my feelings down in some way to make this day easier. I hope everyone else has a wonderful holiday season.