I honestly can't fathom my feelings right now, I don't know how to feel.

Each day drags by, the constant cycle of routine that bores me to tears. That feeling of desperation that settles deep into my bones, makes me ache in pain on a daily basis.

The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that rises into my throat, leaves me feeling like I can't settle, I toss and turn violently at night, trying to will myself to sleep.

The urges of slicing into my skin come back more frequently, instead of the mere whisper that they used to be. They are now roars, violent screams and shouts, telling me to slice, to drain all the pain away.

At times, I'm strong enough to ignore the voices, but the majority of the time I bow down to them... pleasing them as my skin gets sliced more and more.

Soon enough, I'll be wrapped into a bubble in which I cannot escape, where dark thoughts spill into my brain and poison my thoughts with negativity.

But until then, my thighs will constantly be scarred, as crying it out cannot help me as much as it did.

This is the end for me. The end of things to come. I'm scared my sanity won't last much longer.
November 28th, 2013 at 10:38pm