This is so frustrating

Okay, so there's this girl that I was friends with for 13 years, up until I was 18 years old I'd say. We're no longer friends. The reason being she was a bad friend to me. I'm not being a baby or being a diva, but she was actually just not a good friend. She was selfish, inconsiderate and somewhat narcissistic. She loved being the centre of attention, though she never admitted it. She always had things go her way, no matter what other people wanted. I never noticed, nor realized because before I was probably one of the biggest pushover's in the world. I was a doormat. I let people talk to me they way they wanted. I was scared of conflict. So I never thought she was doing anything wrong, or realized how one sided the friendship was.

Then I met two of my best friends in the world, that I've been best friends with for 5 years, and let's just say at first they didn't notice, they way she would treat, but it didn't take long till they figured it out. Certain events happened, causing one of them to get into a fight with her. She said really disrespectful, hurtful things, that no one should say to their 'friend' and she did. And she never apologized, nor cares to probably.

Either way to this day I am no longer friends with her. And I don't care to be, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel happy without her. That sounds mean, but she was a horrible friend to me. There's no doubt about it. My best friends also no longer speak to her, because she was never a good friend to them either. This girl had told me she felt that the only reason why she was friends with my other best friends was simply because they were my friends. Like really? Don't feel obligated to be friends with someone just because I am. When my other best friends found out about that, they felt obviously hurt, so no longer speaking to her, was easy for all of us.

I have four best friends that I really count on and that have never let me down. But when it comes to certain things two of my friends are a little more kind hearted, and lately, and so conveniently they have been bumping into this friend and one of my friends, felt bad, because she said hi rather quickly and walked off, not knowing what to do. She later texted me telling me about this, and how she kind of wanted to apologize to her (girl no longer friends with), but didn't because she knew it would hurt me. Which it would. I'm sorry but if this girl really cared about myself, or any of my other friends, she would have made the effort to send a text saying "can we talk?" or "i'm sorry" or just anything. Because that's what I would do if I really cared about the person. I get she must feel outnumbered or she'd be scared to be ambushed because she lost five friends, and us, just one.

BUT, she made her bed, now she can lie in it. Also, my other friend tells me she ran into her, and it was awkward and they hugged and chatted for a bit until she went in to go see the eye doctor(because thats where they bumped into each other). Its like I love my friends and all, but you don't have to tell me about each and every time you bump into the girl. Yes I'm happy she's no longer in my life because she was a bad friend. But this lasted for thirteen years. That's still thirteen years of my life that I spent being best friends with someone so it does still suck.

Sometimes I feel scared. I feel like my four best friends are going to leave me, and go be friends with her. And I know this may seem and sound childish because it kind of is. And its immature, but I cannot help having this fear. I don't think I'd be living today if it were not for these four best friends of mine. I'm not even joking. They've helped change me into a strong person, and to not let people walk all over me, as I did before. We literally are a family, and I fear losing them. I'd lose it, if I ever did. Though I know I won't, because we're thick as glue. We all go good together.

Now I just try not to look back into the past. I just want to be positive and look ahead at the future. I may not miss her, but I do miss the memories. She had an ugly personality, and thats just the truth.

Really needed to let this out.