a note for a dumb boy

I spent a the last few years of my life clinging to the hope that someday that you can come back to me and we'd get a second chance. Maybe because I'm afraid that I will never have another connection like that. It took me 15 years to find you and I never could get a good enough grip on you so inevitably I lost you.

I'm not the same girl you met in the last class of the day. You're not the same boy. I'm not apart of this time in your life and I get that. I'm finally gonna forget about you. I feel like it was a crush that just wouldn't go away.

I know you're back for the holidays and I want to see you. But I also want it to be the last time I see you. And I'm going to hug you the way I should have held you when you left the first time. And I'm not gonna kiss you because we missed our chance. And I'm not gonna check your twitter for updates anymore and I wont try to text you anymore and I won't bring you up randomly in conversations with friends anymore and I'm not gonna write stupid blogs about you anymore either.

And maybe in a few years when I've finally learned how to love myself for me, and you've made all of your dreams come true, I'll meet you again and hopefully you wont even recognize me.

Thank you so much for being the first boy I loved to little tiny pieces. I seriously can't wait to never think about you again. :)