A letter for my dad

You put on a mask of happiness...

Whenever the doorbell rings.

Whenever the phone rings.

Whenever you are out with people you don't know.

But you don't keep the mask on when you're at home. You leave it discarded.

And your true colors show.

I get it, you're stressed.

You aren't making nearly enough money to support the four of us.

You're worried I won't make it through college.

But that doesn't mean you have to be so damn angry all the time.

Check your cloud of doom-and-gloom at the door and leave us out of it.

Your sour attitude and impatient nature brings everyone down.

And I'm absolutely fucking sick of it.

On the rare days when you come home happy.

On those rare occasions when you're smiling and laughing, instead of yelling and tapping your fingers.

I feel so much better.

Mom feels so much better.

Even Sparky feels so much better, and he's a fucking dog.

That's how much your attitude effects us.

Every little thing you do changes everything around you and you don't even know it.

Or maybe you do and you just don't care.

Or maybe you enjoy it because you want us to suffer like you suffer.

I don't know what it's like to be a parent.

I've never worked a day in my life except as a volunteer in the library.

I've never had to support a family and be a breadwinner.

But I have been as angry as you.

Maybe even angrier.

After all, I inherited them from you. My anger issues.

And yeah, maybe I make the same mistakes as you.

But at least I know when to quit.

At least I know when to shape up.

I've gone through shit too.

I've gone through shit my whole life.

I've been kicked out of two different high schools.

I've been insulted, ridiculed, guilt-tripped, and judged by both of you.

I've been called a failure on more than a dozen occasions.

Even by you.

But at least I still know how to smile.

At least I still know how to have fun.

I don't see my life as one big pile of dog shit.

Unlike you, who sees every day as one big mess.

I don't want to grow up to be like you.

I want to grow up happy.

I want to grow up believing that money isn't the most important thing in the world.

I want to prove to you that dreams are worth fighting for.

And that's all I've ever been able to do.