Santa Baby, Hurry Down The Chimney (And Gimme This Stuff)

It's been a long while since I wrote to ya, Mr. Claus, and before I get into the serious stuff, I wonder. Is your name Santa Claus? Then why are you referred to as Saint Nick? What's your first name? Mysteries of the world. ANYWAYS, important things follow.

I didn't make a Christmas list 'til late this year and I hope you don't mind, I'm trying not to be needy but just in case you remember how much you love me because my name's Nic, I'm gonna give you a list.

1. iTunes gift cards, srsly. Mr. Claus, you know how much shit I have to go through with my team because they'd be like, "Nic, Nic, record this! Nic, Nic, get this app! Nic-" and I'm like, "Fuuuuck, ladies. I have 0.05 on my account. I can't afford shit." and they give me so much shit. It's embarrassing, Claus, srsly. Help a girl out.

2. More knee-high Christmas/seasonal socks. The elastic in my older socks are wearing out and instead of being knee-high/thigh-high, they're becoming like calve (idek) high socks and that shit just ain't cute.

3. If you could just fix my left shoulder so I can vault safely without problems, that'd be great. Oh, and if while you're at it, you could make it so I could actually see when I'm running down the runway? And while you're up there fucking with my eyes, just tweak my brain a little bit so I can be better at maths, that would be so swell.

4. This is the most srs, Mr. Claus. If you could get me a ticket to anywhere my Doe is, that would be absolutely fantastic. Thing is, if we're together I'm positive the holidays won't be as sucky as they might turn out with us being as far as we are. Plus, you have the chance to bring together two parts of a whole, yin and yang, milk and - well not cookies because you'd eat us but you know what I mean! Just think of how happy we could be and how great that would make you feel. JUST THINK ABOUT IT!

5. If you could ship Angelina Jolie to my house, that would be great. Christmas morning too, in a bow and nothing else. Perf.

So yeah, I think that's about everything I want for Christmas in a nutshell, besides of course all the clothes I asked for but my new years resolution for 2014 might just be to become a nudist. Clothes are for the weak!

- Tchao!