To be honest, I never got into The Walking Dead, to the dismay of my friends and brothers, but looking at this story I'm thinking that maybe it'll change my mind. Although Supernatural will always be my favorite show.
So getting started!
The layout is really beautiful actually. The banner above goes really well with the fading gray, patterned background because of all the white in both and the pale colors. It looks really nice and you usually start to believe that silk tea. might be able to make this plague seemed "beautiful" after all.
The summary is six lines that sums up what people "ain't" and are during the fight. It goes really well with everything else and shows that this is just a battle to survive and there are no distinctions between anyone except for you're either alive or dead, nothing else matters.
The first chapter is called "welcome to hell" which is kind of ironic seeing as how serene everything else it.
Okay, so at the end of the first chapter I'm really intrigued. I've never watched the Walking Dead except for one or two episodes so it's nice that I can understand this story and the characters even so.
The two characters that are OCs are apparently Indie and Stormy, which I now realize are written by two people although only one author is listed! When I talked to silk tea. I learned that the other author's name is Mary Anne!
Also, one thing I haven't made my mind up about is the character's names. The OCs have different kinds of names compared to "Ben" and "Tyreese" and "Sasha". While they're not that much different, it's obvious (to me anyways) that they stand out from the rest. Which I like and don't like.
I like it because it makes it easier to keep them straight since they're mixed in with a bunch of other people. They stand out more so I know who I'm supposed to pay more attention to.
I don't like it because it makes them seem different from the rest. I guess I like and it and don't like it for the same reason basically, but by making their names different it makes them seem like they're from somewhere else and have a different story than the rest of the people their traveling with. Just like when people live in different places around the world, there are going to be different kinds of names in each place.
So that's what the "Stormy" and "Indie" names make me think of (That they're different from the rest and came from somewhere else before the plague hit).
In the first chapter I didn't pick up on anything wrong with the spelling or grammar. It's all really great, actually. This kind of perfect grammar comes from writing a lot and learning it as you go.
In the second chapter, right from the start I had to reread the first two lines. The way they're worded threw me off.
Tension was thick in the air as it always was these days when strangers met for the first time.
It's just difficult to understand the first time because there are two prepositions stuck right in the middle, together and then you continue on. Perhaps taking one of the prepositions out it will make it flow better and make it easier for the readers to understand the first time. Such as:
Tension was thick as it always was when strangers met for the first time.
Honestly, I don't know how else to simplify it, but you don't have to do it the way I did. I do suggest that you figure out someway to make it easier to read. For me, the very beginning of a chapter tells how the rest is going to be, so if it takes me a minute to get what you're saying right off the bat, it might turn a few people away.
Below that, Sasha says, "You expect us to go back out there?"
Then Rick replies, "I don't think that'd be a good idea. We've got enough mouths to feed."
I'm just wondering if he means to say "I think that would be a good idea" because he wants them to leave and is saying that they've already got people that they need to feed.
After the first divider, it gets a little bit confusing. I assumed that the group had been able to stay, but then I find out that the others left the girls behind since Indie's leg was hurt. It's not real clear on what happens after Rick's crazy moment.
I didn't realize that the others had left the prison until Stormy speaks, saying they're better off inside that outside.
Okay, so at the end of chapter two I really liked it. It's funny and I like the joke about the "doctor". I'm worried that the girls will be found out though, so I hope nothing happens to them.
Chapter three was a really easy read and despite him sneaking up on her, I like the guy we just met and I can sort of tell what's coming. So on to the next chapter because there was really nothing to say about three!
Chapter four was a really easy read too. There's no much to say about since It was good and there's nothing for me to correct.
Chapter five:
Since there's no grammar for me to really pick up on, I've got to at least mention the smallest things.
Michael owned a bar in downtown Atlanta called Cooper’s one that Indie bartended at and the two were sitting in the closed bar downing shots.
You're going to want to stick a comma after "Cooper's".
I like the flashback. It's interesting how this all began and I didn't expect there to be flashbacks in the literal sense.
I'm excited to see where this story goes and what's going to happen with the entire group (and the old one that left them). Honestly, I don't know much about the Walking Dead and I still enjoyed reading this story, so that's saying a lot. I don't know what is going to happen next because you haven't really alluded to anything except for with Daryl, but usually I have some idea of what's coming in the next chapters.
I'd probably give this story four stars.
Four because the grammar is perfect, the writing is really good, and the story solid. But I feel like there's more that could be put into this. While it's supposed to be grim (because of the death and abandonment, etc) I still feel like something is missing. The characters don't really interact together, but instead they interact with everyone else.
I can't wait to see how Indy and Stormy's relationship develops more because right now they're friends and you say they'll do anything for one another, but I haven't completely seen that yet. I'm excited to see the passion in their friendship and some passion brought into this story. :)
I would definitely recommend this story to just about anyone. I know nothing of the Walking Dead besides what people are always taking about and I enjoyed this story, even though I didn't necessarily enjoy the show. It's a good story so far and there's so much more to be done with it. That fifth star would definitely come with more chapters. :)
