And one day, I did fall in love. Completely and totally ... Head over hills. It wasn't 'puppy love', no. It was the real deal. I loved him (I still do) and that was one of the few things I was ever 100% sure of in my life. I could look at him right now and say 'I am ready to spend my whole life with you' and have not one doubt about it. I am most definately biased, but I believe that he is the most beautiful human being on the planet. I love his eyes, his hands, his smile, and I love his laugh. I just love him.
Only, he doesn't love me back.
Not the way that I love him.
And that hurts.
Like hell.
The kind of love that you'll never see on Disney is the one sided kind. Where you love him/her with every fiber of your being, everything in you- with your heart and soul... and they don't feel the same. That has to be the worst feeling in the whole world. That pain has to be equivelent (or possibly worse than) to cutting my own heart out with a dull knife and handing it over to him.
But I know that he will never love me back the same. And I have to live with that.
I am prepared to live my life in a dark hole of despair.
“It’s a strange thing, how you can love somebody, how you can be all eaten up inside with needing them—and they simply don’t need you. That’s all there is to it, and neither of you can do anything about it. And they’ll be the same way with someone else, and someone else will be the same way about you and it goes on and on—this desperate need—and only once in a rare million do the same two people need each other.”
— Madeleine L’Engle