My parents will kill me, mi dispiace mama

I can't believe this happened again. I'm so upset with myself. I don't understand how I let this happen. I think I forgot to pay off my credit card before its due date. I literally just finished paying it off not even 5 minutes ago and it tells me 'next payment payable on january 6th', BUT I JUST MADE A PAYMENT D:

What in the hell is wrong with me seriously, sometimes I question where my head is at. I hate credit cards, because I can't manage my money with it properly. I'm so irresponsible with it and my parents even told me not to get it. Actually they never allowed me to get it, my grandparents snuck me to the bank and got it for me because they thought I should have one in case of a emergency. YEAH, a lot of good that's doing for me. I wouldn't even be able to use it for an emergency because its always maxed out. Ugh.

I am an idiot. No other word for it. I'm going to make another payment tomorrow right away, since I have some cash laying around. I'll just deposit it and then make another payment to them. Then I'll stop using it. If my parents find out about this they are going to kill me.

I don't think people understand. Like I will be crucified. My parents are so strict and old school Sicilian. Omfg, I'm going to die. My parents are going to find out if another bill is sent to the house and they get to it first, holy shit. I'm going to have a panic attack. If my parents find out, ohmygod ohmygod. No. No. They cannot find out. I'm literally going to have to wake up each morning get the mail before them and then do the same for the afternoon. That means I can't leave the house. I can't chance it.

UGHHHHHHHH. Why do I let this happen??????? I should have never gotten the credit card. I should have told me Nonna I don't need it. Oh Padre Pio, que deve fare.

I can't deal with this. Mi dispiace mama.

To make this even worse. I had so much money from Christmas I could have paid it all off. BUT NOOOOOOOO, I had to go shop downtown with it. Of course. I should have used the money to pay off the damn credit card, but the sales were actually so freaking great. No regrets. Jokes. HUGE REGRETS. REGRET.REGRET.REGRET.

Whatever. I'm going to stop whining. I'm just not using it anymore. I'm going to pay off some tomorrow, and I'm going to continue to save up to clear it all up, then I'm cutting that damn card up. No more credit card for Bianca. Nope.

Buona sera a tutti,
Baci e Abbracci,
Bianca.