where have I been / living with borderline personality disorder

I've been gone for almost a year, as my friends on here jar pointed out. Here's why:

I was recently hospitalized for suicide , twice in one month , and have been particpating in many different insensitive therapies . I see my team four days a week . After being hospitalized , I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) despite my age.

What even is BPD?

Well , for me , its seeing things in black and white (figuratively of course). I don't have much sympathy or empathy for others , no mater how hard I try and I'm drawn to harmful things and people. I'm a thrill seeker and often times find myself fixated with certain people one day , and feeling nothing for them the next. I get extremely angry. I am 85% more likely to be abusive or to fall victim to abuse . For me , it is the latter .

I've been having a really hard time with facing reality , seeing as part of my disorder is detachment and disassociation . I'll have a conversation with people and get angry and see the conversation happenig before me and not be a part of it at all. It's scary.

So I'm starting a blog . It'll be up soon , likely on tumblr .